BFG's WARRIOR 300 CHALLENGE

I AM THE WARRIOR AND HEART TO HEART YOU WIN... IF YOU SURVIVE!!! 
THE WARRIOR! THE WARRIOR! I AM THE WARRIOR!!!

                                       THIS WARRIOR HAS A CHALLENGE FOR YOU!!!

So, WHO GOT FAT WITH ME?!?! Well, maybe you didn't get fat but maybe you just are not in the super awesome WARRIOR / GLADIATOR / MUTHER F-ING SWEET shape you want to be in. Right there with you... I am... right THERE!

I always said I am not so much the type to wear bikinis in public. I tell myself this. BUT - I am not in BIKINI SHAPE. That is the truth. BUT.....  I was, in April. Of this year. For a month of my life I WAS IN SHAPE. Then "life happened" and I just caved. I gave in. I ate. I stopped moving.

How many of you just "give in"? How many of you "justify" that Ben and Jerrys? How many of you just eat what you WANT because you DESERVE IT! YOU WILL WORK OUT MORE TOMORROW!!!!

Then - holy crap buckets bat man - tomorrow comes and you don't make it to the gym. Then the next day comes and jumping Jehoshaphat and you don't make it to the gym again. And so on and so on. Then one day the gym calls to see if you are still alive cuz they haven't seen your pretty face in MONTHS!!!

WHY ARE YOU PAYING FOR A GYM YOU DON'T GO TO?
Don't stop PAYING >< START GOING!

HOW??? You ask did I get in SHAPE in April. Well, I started right after Thanksgiving and FRIGGIN WORKED OUT LIKE EVERY DAY!!! and I watched what I ate. Once in a while I still DID eat THE BEN AND THE JERRYS because I was a working out fool.

WHY??? You ask - could I do it then when I don't do it now?
The answer my friend is this - PROPER MOTIVATION. I KNEW that I was going to have my picture taken in a BIKINI sooooooo I got BIKINI READY. Really, for me, I needed that motivation. Maybe I am the type who just can't make a friggin "Lifestyle" change... Maybe I am going to have to need some sort of weird "motivation" for ever and ever. Maybe. OR maybe 5 months wasn't long enough to set it straight in my brain and body and soul what I needed to do and really change my lifestyle.

SO... here is what I am gonna do. I know that I need motivation. I know I can't be the only one.

I am going to set up a series of challenges. To challenge myself and to challenge my friends. To get support from my friends and to support others going through what I am going through.

For FUN AND FITNESS. 

                                                        WE CAN ALL BE WINNERS!

My first challenge will be the BFG WARRIOR 300 challenge. When I was working out like a crazy loon I had a personal trainer and we did the 300 a few times a week. It is inspired by the movie 300 and the work out that the people in the film did. There is an official work out you can find on line but we modified it so that I could pick any work out and all my reps had to add up to 300.

It will last for one MONTH - August... ALL OF AUGUST! Working out! Every day! No breaks!


This is the official 300 work out (which I acquired from the Internets).

Pullups - 25
Deadlifts with 135lbs - 50
Pushups - 50
24-inch Box jumps - 50
Floor wipers - 50
1-arm 36lbs Kettlebell Clean n Press - 50 reps
Pullups – 25

You are to do these with no breaks. Well, I was not able to do any pull ups from a series of derby shoulder injuries so my trainer had me modify and I picked from a list and did 300 something.

300 anything is better than 300 nothing!!!

Here are some suggestions if you want to switch it up.
Chin ups (wrists toward you)
Crunches
Donkey Kicks
Leg Lifts
One legged Squats
Burpees
Star Jumps
Kettle Bell Swing
Chair Dips
Lunges
Squats

V-up sit ups
Mountain Climbers

etc 

etc

etc

For a greater challenge do any that apply on a BOSU ball or balance board (one leg squats or v up sit ups for example). You can also add weight to any of them. (example do crunches holding a medicine ball on your chest or do leg lifts with your skates on.)

You can also adjust the height if you want on box jumps, or adjust weights, or even do a modified PULL UP with your feet on a chair P90X style. What ever your little heart desires. As long as you do a total of 300.

THERE IS MORE!!!

I have created an EVENT for this and you can just say you are going and post there and look there for motivation and

I want to see your best WARRIOR pictures!!! So post them to the EVENT WALL! SHARE!

After the month is over, everyone who stuck with it for a month can post ONE warrior picture of themselves on the Facebook event and the three photos with the most LIKES on them gets a special prize from BFG.

You must have stuck with it for the whole month. There are enough things that you can do it without a gym, when you are not at home, etc so NO EXCUSES!!!

If you started a few days late because you didn't see this before the August 1st then just don't miss any days from the day you start and go for 30 days!

Here is the link to the Facebook event: https://www.facebook.com/events/450252528348360/

                                                              YOU ARE A WARRIOR!!!

Why the HECK didn't I go to ROLLERCON

What the crap! It's 9am Saturday morning and I don't have coffee yet. My cat is sitting on my important papers watching me type. Thanks KITTY! My left leg is asleep, not still asleep, but RE asleep. I have poor circulation so they just do that. I hope to not have to cut one off one day AND now I hope I didn't just jinx myself into having to cut one off one day. Like that guy climbing mountains who ate his arm off.

My plans for the day are this... clean the kitchen, do laundry, work on my new craft room, go to a baby shower at 2, then come back home and do more work on craft room and Sunday the highlight of the whole day will be to hopefully FINISH the craft room.

I mean it is going to be a 'derby dream craft room' with a cutter, heat press, button maker, sewing machine and lots of glitter. LOTS OF SPARKLY THINGS. And a small puppet theater. A box of google eyes and a sh*t ton of felt. Okay, maybe not ALL derby girls dream of a puppet theater but this one does.

OH BUT GUESS THE HECK WHAT!?!?!? MY carpenter husband, who normally brings me coffee from Starbucks every morning is off in the woods working on a film project (The Blair Witch III?) and that is why I have no coffee but worse! WHO IS GONNA HELP ME BUILD MY PUPPET THEATER?... or should I say THEATRE and make it a "fancy" puppet theater?

Oh I can ask Dozer's husband Dizzy Zerby - he builds stuff - BUT WAIT!
HE IS AT ROLLERCON!!! WIIIIITH DOOOOOZER!!!!!!!!

ROLLERCON!!! WHAT THE HECK!
JUMPING QUADZILLAS  WHY AM INOT AT ROLLERCON!

How does this happen? I went to the first one! I even got the tattoo to prove it! I still skate! I like Las Vegas! I like pick up bouts! I like buying merch stuffs I don't really need! I like BUFFETS, swimming pools, staying up late, getting up early, more buffets, slot machines, more slot machines, and blinky lights and seeing skaters from all over that I love that i know will there. I like hanging out with fun people! Yet AGAIN! I didn't get tickets, I didn't make plans and now.... NOW WITH FANCY SMARTYPANTS SMART PHONES and THE FACEBOOKS!!! You freaking fancy outfit wearing - fun time happening - pick up bout playing fools are posting your FUNS and SHENANIGANS all over the Facebooks!

In years past I could just ignore the fun and good times but now! it's so super in MY FACE with happy good roller derby stuff times.

IN YOUR FACE BETTY FORD GALAXY!!!! IN  Y O U R  FACE! In your pretty, not a day over 32 pretty in purple hair and/or pink or what ever color you choose FACE! and in your painted up SPACE ACE, coolest glitter rollergirl face paint on the planet bout day coolness FACE!!!

IN YOUR FACE!

Yup there it is. In my face. And I am SOOOO SUPER DUPER DUPER regretting not going this year.

Thanks a lot ROLLERCON and happy ROLLERCON goers. This would be so much easier to ignore if I had no FACEBOOKS... but only losers don't have the Facebooks (until the new thing comes out and we all get that... well the next new good thing cuz the new Google + thing and circles is for the birds, circles make me dizzy.)

WHY!?! Why didn't I go?!?!? I have vacation time at work. I could have planned better and got a ticket  and flights a long time ago.

SO that is my plan for 2013. Dozer says you can get tickets for next years R-CON cheap right after this RollerCon. So that is what I am going to do. I am going to find a cheap flight soon and book it. Or maybe right after Christmas or something but soon. And a hotel and maybe a rent a car for a day to visit a friend who lives close. DUH! I COULD HAVE VISITED MY FRIEND TOO! DUUUUHHH!!!

OR I might volunteer to COACH next year and get in for free. Wait - I like that better. Who thinks I should coach there next year? I love coaching DUH! DUH! OH THE HORROR! THE HORROR!

Now I am even more mad at myself! I FRIGGIN LOVE COACHING! I could be there right now COACHING and skating on my new TINY ADONIS WHEELS and hanging out BLOWING PEOPLES MINDS with my awesome costumes and bouting in pick up bouts and buying cool shwag I DON'T EVEN NEED!!! AND COACHING cool stuff to people! - what was I thinking???

Holy heck BAT MAN! Next year I need a better plan.

2013 BFG IS GOING TO ROLLERCON!

Junior ROCKIN RED shows huge heart in the derby community

I have had the pleasure of being Rockin' Red's coach for about 5 years. Such a wonderful girl with so much potential. Off the track she is shy and sweet and full of heart. When she skates she is strong and graceful and smart. I have always been so very proud of her.

I am touched when the kids I coach show up and support me when I skate. Even more touched when they bring me a sign. Last Saturday I bouted with Trouble Brewing on the banked track vs Tilted Thunder's (TTRB) Rolling Blackouts. It was an amazingly fun bout. You already know that. So when R'Red and her family showed up I was super excited to see them. With a sign (bonus points).

Most derby events have junior derby (or some charity) doing a 50/50 raffle. At the TTRB bout their juniors, the PEEPs, held one of those. The sales of raffle tickets was almost $500!

AND who do you think won but Rockin' Red's Family!!!
A Seattle Derby Brat WON the raffle for the Peeps junior derby! How cool is that?!

Do you know what is even cooler?? DO YOU!!??!!

Rockin' Red - being the amazing young lady she is - suggested her family donate all the winnings BACK TO THE PEEPS! That is right people! She gave back $234 to the Peeps! She could have kept it and bout clothes or skate stuff or games or make up or what ever but she didn't. She wanted to help them with their fundraising and support junior roller derby.

Rockin' Red is a great example of what I love about the Roller Derby Community.

Thank you Rockin' Red for being you.

Love your Mean Coach Betty

Banked Track - DISHES - Flat Track

I am using Dragon dictation  to write my blog today.

It's pretty sweet.

Yesterday I got to play on an ad hoc team called Trouble Brewing on the banked track. We bouted  the Rolling Blackouts who are the number one team for Tilted Thunder - Washington states only banked track league out of the Seattle/Everett area.    he he he he

Off topic I just figured out if you exhale hard Dragon dictation thinks I want to spell he. He he he he he he he he he this is very funny to me - he he he.

The bout was fun. SO FUN! We wore our STARBUCKS shirts - get it - TROUBLE BREWING! and we had on our CHEEZEBALL BEARINGS patches because, even though an adhoc team, we are sponsored by CHEEZEBALL. Sweet - be jelly - their bearings are pretty sweet. We didn't win the bout because we didn't score as may points as the Blackouts. BUT we did win the bout because we all had a super great time. We played really hard. No one got hurt. We had fun. It wasn't a blow out. AND  I just feel like a winner. 

One of the best parts of the night was after the bout when the entire team of the Rolling Blackouts came into our locker room with drinks (they forgot to bring me a ROCKSTAR so I downed a few Pixie Stix while they did shots together). It was such an amazing show of sportsmanship and camaraderie for derby girls. It made me super happy. Rosary Bleeds even picked me up. She is very strong.

Today I am reflecting on my choice to leave Rat City. I am an OVER THINKER so I often think about - was the the RIGHT decision? I miss the Throttle Rockets bunches. Is banked for me? What if I am wrong? BLAH BLAH OVER THINKER. So I am going to do the dishes and clear my head. I also realized I think I can type faster than the DRAGON DICTATION because I have to keep correcting things. Not so sweet.

That was at 10am. I unloaded the dishwasher. Clean dish - cupboard, I have fun dishes - FIESTA WARE because EVERY DAY A PARTY UP IN HERE - can I get a WHAT! WHAT!

Then I noticed some fruit. Fruit is funny. So I made a PINEAPPLE MAN. Then cleaning up the counter a little and gathering dirty dishes I noticed CHERRY POP TARTS... break time. TV time. POP TART time, finishing up my morning STARBUCKS and POP TARTS, catching up on my SPONGE BOB - who lives in a PINEAPPLE under the sea if you didn't know. Then back to dishes.

Clearing more counter, took recycle out... started to load the dishwasher then I remembered I need a new phone. So I got on the computer to look up prices, I think BEST BUY is going to be my BEST BUY - which - breath hard -  he he he - is very funny to me. I love when things are funny to me. Funny is a good place to be. 

While I was looking at phones I had to stop by the Facebooks because I am sort of a FACEBOOK WHORE - Can't get enough of the Facebooks. Which is partly why I need a new phone because I can't get on FB on my current phone without it dying and NO it is not trying to tell me something. NO life lesson in that one other than my phone is old and in need of replacing. The UNIVERSE is NOT trying to tell me I need more ME time and time away from the technology time suckers. SO um ya...

Then when I was on the FACEBOOKs I noticed that there are bouts going on LIVE in Texas so thank you WFTDA for posting that link... Then I was like - WOAH! It's 11:30 and the dishes are still not done.

MIND YOU - I don't have that many dishes.  I should have been done by 11.

So now I am watching some flat track. And lucky deal for me with Trouble Brewing and other teams, I will still get to play flat track and coach flat track. I do not regret leaving. Nothing grows or changes without leaps of faith and taking steps toward new things. As much as I love coaching I also love learning new things. It's almost 1 now - I should finish the dishes...

BUT here I am enjoying some FLAT TRACK. Loving the BANK TRACK. And hating DISHES.

The Sedentary Rollergirl

In the 9 years I have been skating my weight has gone up and down like a YO YO. I have cross trained like a fool and I have been a couch potato. I have had injury and rehab. I have done about every fad and good diet out there. I even did the Ultimate Cleanse before my wedding a few years back. I often think, I should be thinner with all this skating I do and cross training a few days a week outta do it. Right? I also use the fact that I skate as an excuse to be lazy and watch TV or take naps.

I skate/practice 2-4 times a week. I coach on skates 2-4 times a week. I cross train 2-4 times a week.

Well, after some years of frustrating weight gain and what I thought was lack of discipline on my part or bad genetics I decided to do some more research after hearing just a snippet of something on the radio about working out might not be enough if and I might have a.... SEDENTARY LIFESTYLE!!!

After a lot of research I have come to a conclusion or hypothesis or epiphany or something...


It is my own definition of a "sedentary rollergirl"

YOU DON'T MOVE A LOT OUTSIDE OF DERBY

Answer yourself these questions...

1 - do you sit more than 4 - 6 hours a day at work?
2 - do you watch more than 2 hours of TV a day?
3 - do you have a long commute?
4 - do your leisure activities include eating out (sitting) or movies (sitting)?
5 - do you use derby as an excuse to be lazy in other parts of your life?

check,check, check, check AND check!

OH SNAP!!! I HAVE A SEDENTARY LIFESTYLE!!!

Here are my facts:

*I sit for 9 hours a day with hardly any movement (even though I have a stand up desk. I hardly ever stand.) SITTING!
*I watch about 2 hours of TV a day, more on weekends. If I am not watching TV I am often on the computer or playing video games. ALSO SITTING.
*And I have a LONG commute (30-40 minutes for work/practice) MORE SITTING!
*I do go to lots of movies and eat out a lot. YUP - THAT IS SITTING!
*I do use my hot tub a lot. HEY THAT IS SITTING TOO!!!
*I make excuses... say that again. I MAKE EXCUSES to be lazy. I SIT WHEN I CAN SIT.

Last January I started to work nine 9 hour days so I can have every other Friday off. So I really am at my desk 9 - 10 hours on most days. I often SIT IN ONE SPOT for 3-4 hours without moving to even get a FREE CUP OF DELICIOUS STARBUCKS COFFEE or use the restroom. I SIT. SIT and MORE SIT. I almost never have meetings to walk to. Just SIT SIT SIT.

When I do take advantage of my stand up desk it is usually only for a few minutes like ONCE a day.

One day I wore my skates at work. Which is allowed as long as I don't roll around too much. They said I can stand in them at my desk if I wanted. I did. But only once.

The research shows that even if you work out a few times a week (3-5 times even), having an overall sedentary lifestyle can increase weight, depression and many diseases. It can also significantly shorten your life.

And I am pretty sure it is NOT good for my roller derby game.

This maybe one of the reasons I always seem to have a fighting battle with my weight. Not just because I am older (which yes, at 41 does have a little bit to do with it) but because when I was younger I was a waitress, running around all the time and went dancing almost every night.

NOT SITTING - NOT SITTING - NOT SITTING

The PLAN:

I am going to get me one of those steps counter thingys to see if I can increase my daily steps. I am also going to bring my spare skates to work and just leave them here and wear them a bit every day (first I got to get the plate fixed). I am going take advantage of my stand up desk and take the stairs more.

Here are some easy things you can do if you have a sit down job and a sedentary lifestyle.

1 – Get a stand up desk if possible and stand often
2 – Do more yard work – and more house work
3 – Park far away and walk
4 – Take stairs instead of elevator
5 – Put on some music and dance
6 – Stretch / yoga / stand on Bosu while watching TV
7 – On breaks at work take a little walk - anywhere
8 – If on bus take the stop before or after yours and walk a little
9 – Walk around while on the phone
10 – At work every 30 minutes just stand up and stretch

11 - wear your skates if they let you!!!!!

This is not to say that CROSS TRAINING IS NOT NEEDED! Or that you can cut down on rink time if you move more. It is to say our bodies were made to be in motion. So BE IN MOTION!

****** THE SIMPLE FACT OF ROLLER DERBY IS THE BETTER SHAPE YOU ARE IN - THE MORE "FIT" YOU ARE - THE BETTER ROLLER DERBY PLAYER YOU WILL BE********

(please note I didn't say "skinny" I said "better shape" and "fit" meaning overall health)

You don't have to read all these links and stuff if you don't want to because I already did that for you but these are the main sites where I gathered most of the info. There are TONS of sites out there on Sedentary Lifestyles. It is an epidemic and can kill you. Or shorten your life. Or give you a spare tire. So get out there and move your body. Move it lots. Move it often. Move to be fit. Move for life. Move for happiness.

***I will write a follow up blog in a month or so to see if MOVING is helping me or if the internet lies.


WEB REFERENCES:
http://www.mnn.com/health/fitness-well-being/stories/a-sedentary-lifestyle-can-harm-you-even-if-you-exercise

http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/wellness/even-with-exercise-long-periods-spent-sedentary-are-deemed-a-health-risk/2011/07/07/gIQAicwRAI_story.html

http://www.womenshealthmag.com/health/sedentary-lifestyle-hazards

http://www.npr.org/2012/05/09/152336802/stand-up-walk-around-even-just-for-20-minutes

http://dapa-toolkit.mrc.ac.uk/physical-activity-assessment/sedentary-behaviours/index.html

Why you do NOT leave your skates in the car ...

I am sort of a skate whore. I love skates. New skates. Tall skates. Short skates. Purple suede skates. Silver skates. Even one I time had plaid skates.

A while ago La Petite Morte from Fast Girl Skates got a custom pair of Riedell 965s. The most beautiful skates in the whole world. Totally custom. Silver and black. Custom custom. She even had the big ol' padding removed from the inside. Well folks, turns out when you order your size in a skate but you have them remove the padding they are too big. Soooooo - TA-DAH! They fit me. I traded a few pairs of older skates I had for an even swap on these puppies.

I loved them. I used them for a few years. So super happy with them.

Then one night - I had them in my car. Right in front of my house. I live in a pretty safe neighborhood but I normally don't leave my car outside, but the garage was messing. And I normally don't leave my skates in the car but I thought, one night won't be a big deal. I was watching the TV and I was tired from a hard practice. I said, I will get them later but later turned into me falling asleep on the couch.

The next morning I woke to my husband saying, "Did you know your visor is down and all your papers are outside the car?" WHAT!?! NO!!!!

I ran outside (not in my jammies but smelly yesterday's derby clothes I had fallen asleep in - ewwww) and there was my car. Someone had broken in. They took my skate bag. Inside my lovely custom skates, two sets of helmet covers, all my pads, mouthguard, skate tools and a bunch of other random stuff. They also took my $100 compression pants from CW-X. I was heart broken.

I cried on the Facebook about it and the most amazing thing happened. NO - I didn't get my skates back but a lovely woman - Windy Rodger Bailey aka BeatHer Bailey from Viva Las Vegas Skate Company (http://www.vivalaskates.com) messaged me and sent me a whole new set of pads!!! NO  JOKE! What a wonderful person. I was super happy because replacing everything at once SUCKS. (and blah blah blah - insert 2011/2012 poor got no money story here, most of us have one.)


I tried the Crazy Skates and they didn't fit my feet right. I loved the DBX plate. So I traded the Crazy Skates for some Reidell 195s and kept the plate. I am SO in love with these skates. For the main reason I had broke by leg my first year in derby and the pins on the outside always rubbed on my skate. 
WELL NOW THERE IS NO OUTSIDE OF THE SKATE!! I F*ING LOVE THESE SKATES!!!

my 195s

Wait! WAIT! I am getting off topic.

DON'T LEAVE YOUR SKATES IN THE CAR!

The moral of the story is NOT you get free shit and better skates... That took MONTHS.

The months in my ol' crappy skates that tore up my feet, the hours and days of missed practice while i had no skates cuz I forgot I had the crappy ol' ones were horrible. The feeling of uneasy I had for months after every night as I went to be knowing people were coming to my house and stealing things was unsettling to say the least. Like I like in one of those neighborhoods where you have a short driveway - so only one car fits then road, no bushes, there is a street light even, these criminals were so gutsy they just walked up and took what they wanted. AAAHHH TERRIBLE FEELING!!!!

I hear about it all the time. Gear being stolen from cars. Think about it, we have back packs or roller bags which to a thief look like a lap top or something else cool. I am sure they got home and were like, oh crap, when they opened it up. I looked on Ebay and Craigslist. I never saw them for sale. I wonder if they ended up in the woods by my house. Cold and alone.

Here are some simple steps to keeping your skates safe. They are your little buddies and it's your job to protect and care for them.

1. Don't store your skates in the car. They get scared.

2. If you must for any length of time make sure you have something random to cover them up with. Like a small blanket and tuck them in for a little nap. Not a shopping bag. Thieves like those too and the skates might suffocate. Bags are not toys. 

3. If going into a pub/eatery after practice I now carry my skate in with me. Keep them by my side.

- if you do this don't leave them alone in a booth or in a corner. You are better leaving in your car with a blanket. Get them a fake ID and party it up with them. 

4. Take a good photo of your skates. After mine were stolen I realized I had no close up photos of my skates to show people what they looked like. Do some skatey skate skate glamour shots. 

5. Glue them to your feet and never take them off ever. That is the best way to never ever lose them.

If you happen to see some custom Riedell 695, silver and black, no padding with a name burnt into the bottom under the plate (you can just barely see the name, Riedell burns the person's name on the bottom and it has Morte's real name on there) please contact me. I can tell you the name on the bottom to prove they are mine. Again, you can just BARELY see the name under the plate, but it's there.

Thanks and skate hard!

This is why you should open THE MAIL.

I procrastinate. On pretty much EVERYTHING. But especially...

THE MAIL.

I don't like getting mail. I don't like opening my mail. Sometimes I just put it in a box. DONE! I also do OTHER things than open THE MAIL. Like, write a blog, play on Facebook, write out lesson plans, clean the kitchen, clean the bathroom, go for a drive, spend endless hours in ROSS DRESS FOR LESS or just watch TV. OR OR OR go work out.

The really puzzling thing is that I procrastinate on something I don't want to do for some random reason by doing something else that on another day I will not want to do.

EXAMPLE: I needed to clean my bedroom this weekend but it was SO MESSY! Paralyzed by not knowing where to begin I cleaned the whole downstairs bathroom and laundry room. Scrubbed the sh*t out of them and even cleaned the inside of the washer and dryer. Where just a week ago I was supposed to clean the laundry room but I didn't want to so I fixed the sides of my hot tub. Where a few weeks before that I was supposed to fix the sides of my hot tub but I didn't want to so I worked on my heat press. Where a few weeks before that I was supposed to fix the heat press but I didn't want to so I cleaned my room.

See how that works. It's been about 8 weeks since I cleaned my room. And I am NOT good at picking up after myself. I am an ALL or NOTHING kind of cleaner. And a hoarder of cool stuff. So anywyas - there is a box of THE MAIL.

My regular bills are all auto pay so I don't really pay too much attention to THE MAIL.

THE MAIL can sit a long long time. Sometimes it's not the best thing but until now I have never been SUED REAL CASH MONEY BY A REAL LIFE LAWYER FOR NOT OPENING MY MAIL!!!!

Holy heck Batman are you serious? YES! TOTALLY SERIOUS! I am getting sued for $4,000 and some change by a local hospital for an emergency room visit.

I got served papers by this really nice man, let's call him Papers Pete. He was actually really cool. Papers Pete must have been sued himself at one time. He actually gave me some advice which I am using. Like, DON'T give them a checking aaccount number or a debit card. PAY ONLY IN MONEY ORDERS....

That is IF I was gonna pay and I am NOT.

Here is the deal-i-yo. A year ago I was in a car wreck. Got REAR ENDED on my way to work. Wrecked the car so bad it took 3 weeks at the body shop. I went to the hospital as my neck was a little sore. Then I went to the chiropractor just once. Then I was like, YEAH, I'm good.

The lady who hit me, let's call her Newcastle Nellie, had her insurance pay for my car and they were supposed to pay for my hospital bill also. AND YOU KNOW WHAT!!! Newcastle Nellie's insurance did NOT pay my hospital bill AT ALL. NO ONE HAS. So the hospital was like YO SOMEBODY BETTA PAAAAAAAYA!!! and they sent me a letter. I saw the letter. Assumed it was just a statement of services and filed it with the other mail in the BOX OF UNOPENED MAIL. Where is sat and lay dormant until DING DONG the door rang last week and there as PAPERS PETE with my PAPAHS. (that is PAPERS for those of you without street cred.)

YOU DO NOT WANT AN INJUNCTION ON YOUR CREDIT. That is NOT "street cred"...

This whole deal SUCKS because I got hit. I had to miss work. I was without my car for 3 weeks and had a weird loaner car. I even got SUMMONED by Newcastle Nellie's attorney to go to court so she could get her ticket lowered. I mean what do I care right? Nellie seemed on the UP AND UP. It sucks because no fault of my own I have put hours and hours and days and mental energy and stress all invested into this.

So now - more stuff and hours and stress and mental energy - I am in a circle of phone calls between two insurance companies, a hospital and a lawyer. I have about 10 more days to figure this crap out or I get an INJUNCTION on my credit which is BAD. My insurance agent, TOM, was way cool. He owns the Spangler insurance. He is helping me figure this all out. Gots to fax him some PAPAHS.

So the moral of the story is OPEN YOUR MAIL KIDS! If I had just opened that mail a few months ago I would not be freaking out about it now.

One thing I have learned in the AA is that things are going to happen to you - no fault of your own - it's not what happens to us but how we react that define us as a person. I was nothing but super calm and nice at the accident as Newcastle Nellie was freaking out a bit. I was super nice at court and nice to the other insurance agent and Papers Pete and Mr. Tom Spangler. I can be proud I didn't let my insides freak out on any of them.

And with some more phone calls this will be taken care of....

fingers crossed....

But I am a stress eater and this has stressed me out.
Maybe for another blog - how day one of a juice fast turns into half a box of Cheezits.

Banked practice/stupid knee - stupid door closing and a stupid lukewarm soda

Today started out supreme. My first real bloggity blog blog got a lot of response. Mostly people telling me what to do to lose weight... Well, I know hooooow - I just don't do what I am supposed to. I need soul searching not diet advice but thank you very much. Your hearts are in the right place I am sure.

Then BANKED TRACK practice. Supposed to be a scrimmage but more refs showed up than my teammates. ADHOC - whatcha gonna do... And lucky me. I feel twice on my injured knee during the open warm up because and had to ice the first half. LORDY do I hate sitting when I should be scrimmaging. In the end the host team was gracious and awesome. The knew felt better and I got to do a few jams and some drills. The last part of practice was open track and I really enjoyed that as I am just getting used to skating at an angle. If you have ever skated at the Rat City track - you have to get used to the dips and the little hill. I was so used to them that eventually skating on a real rink that was all flat used to feel awkward to me. I am hoping eventually the banked feels like that to me. That I don't notice it is banked.

NOW FOR MY MUTHER F*ING RANTS!

I am trying to eat healthy and diet. So on the way home tonight I stopped at the local Safeway. I chose some wonderful ORGANIC veggies and fruits to juice. They don't have the most super selection of ORGANIC but it is on the way home and open late.

SO THEN!!! I am all like happy with my two bags of veggies and fruity bits and I go to leave and the DOOR IS LOCKED!

OH - says the personality void cashier "that door is locked now, you need to use the other".

WHY DOES THIS BUG ME SO FRIGGIN BAD!!! I came in that door lady! I want to go out that door! It's my door. I mean I didn't pee on it and I didn't buy it so it's not REALLY my door but hey - um - my car is just outside it.

IF you have two door and you are a 24 hour store you should really keep both open. I mean really. It's a big place and there were lots of employees still. I mean, what if there was a fire!! AAAAAHHHHH!

RIGHT?!?!? THE HORROR as we are all trapped because somebody is too fraidy cat to leave both doors open.

And there should really be a sign. You know.... HEY LADY - WATCH OUT,  WE LOCK THIS AS SOON AS YOU ARE INSIDE - HA HA ON WHAT YOU THOUGHT WAS A GOOD PARKING SPOT!

Lame... They are lame. Stupid door lockers.

AND to my second rant of the night.....

After practice Irockit and I went to Geogetown so I could get myself a TROUBLE MAKER sandwich WHICH if you know me is my absolutely favorite sandwich. So much so that I even spent $30 on a necklace that says TROUBLE MAKER. So we got to Smarty Pants and they are closed!!! MUTHER F-ER and the worst part is I USED TO WAIT TABLES THERE (on skates) ON SUNDAY!!! I know they close early. What a dill weed I am! Any ma who, then we went to the new diner place next door. I am so distraught after not being able to get the heavenly most amazing TROUBLE MAKER that I can't decide. I don't want your diner food. I WANT MY SANDWICH.

ok ok ok So the Irockit says, "Why don't you get one of them sodas you like and we can share some fries"...

OH OH OH GOD! OH GOD! they have all these like vintage olden time sodas made with REAL sugar and you know I am a sugar ADDICT and they are soooo good and cold and sweet and cripsy and lovely delicious - so I cave - what the hell.

AND YES - I am fully aware that TROUBLE MAKERS and or FRIED and or SUGAR SODAs are not going to help me lose weight. I am not a normal person with practical brain wave thingys or I wouldn't be who I am ... go with me on this ... I am ordering a fries and soda. And an extra plate for Irockit because I can't have ketchup near my fries. I don't do ketchup. Ever.

So the lady brings me a ROOM TEMPERATURE SODA AND A GLASS OF ICE!!!

What the heck is this? Where is my crispy cold glass bottle of delicious sugar liquid!!!

Why would anyone even think that was okay? Why would you bring a sugar soda in a glass bottle and NOT HAVE IT ICEY CHILLED? Does this lady not drink soda? Does she not understand how I like my soda? IS SHE NEW!?! I was just there two days earlier and I saw them all in a cooler with a pretty glass door so you can admire the fun colors and dream of vintage type sugary soda dreams.

THIS LADY CRUSHED MY DREAMS.

The ever practical Irockit told me to just pour it in the cup. And I did. and it was just alright.

Boo on that room temperature soda serving waitress. Boo on grocery stores closing my door after I enter and locking it. Boo on my knee which is a track magnet.

God, today was a good day. I think I actually like ranting about things and when things are off. If everything always went my way how would I know it was awesome?

Meh - the most important lesson in all of this is today at practice Barbie Beatdown said I was a legend.

Yup. Today was a good day. And that Barbie is a genius.

From thin to pudgy in just 3 months! Boo on BFG

Today I am watching "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead". It says you can retrain you tastebuds. Is this true? My taste buds actually hate me. They do everything they can to piss me and those I am eating with but especially waitstaff. There are a lot of things I do not like - and several things I down right hate.
MUSTARD - if you want to stay on my good side you DO NOT eat mustard anywhere near me. Seriously. I hate it. HATE IT. Hate cilantro, hate mayo, hate olives, cucumbers, kale, ketchup, teriyaki, sweet and sour, all sea food, lamb, all shell fish, mushrooms, etc etc etc etc etc. I also don' like to cmbine foods. Like I like apple sauce and I like pork chops but I would NEVER eat them together. I love cranberry and I love turkey but I WOULD NEVER EAT THEM TOGETHER!!! And if you want to stay on my good side you better NOT put fruit in my Thanksgiving stuffing.

On the flip side... pretty much if it's sugar. I love it. Ice creams. Cookies. Cakes. Pixie stix. ETC YUMMY.

I cave to my yummy. I had a deal with my bro in law. Last Thanksgiving he dared me to lose 20 pounds and gave me a date to lose it by. He then was going to TWEET a pic of me in a bikini on the day. April 21st. I did it - I worked out super hard. I had a goal and I did it. It was good motivation. My brother in law is Joel McHale and he has 2.5 million twitter followers.

Then after April life got hard. I no longer had that same motivation and the tweet wasn't enough to keep me on the same track. I am not sure why. Something inside me said that I was not worth it. I literally started to eat Ben and Jerrys every night and pizza rolls. I have to figure out the real reasons I eat. Why the heck did I spend 5 months losing weight only to spend 3 months to gain it back. Do the math on that. It sucks. I gained it back in about half the time it took to lose. Dang it!!! I did it. ME - all me. So the part that stays the same is me. I proved I can lose the weight. I proved I could be fit. Then I let it go.

I have to find that inner motivation. I have to remember that I am worthy of being fit.

I was coaching the Seattle Derby Brats at the NW JR Tournament and I saw a photo of me. How could I let that FIT FUCKING AWESOME BETTY become FAT SLOPPY EMBARRASSING FAT COACH BETTY? I do NOT want to be that. I do NOT want the kids I coach to think that is acceptable. It is not. I am 41 years old. I am too young and awesome to be pudgy AND AND AND 90% of my weight is stored in my chin. GOD I MISS MY NECK! I go chin to chest. NO FRIGGIN NECK! so sad. How dumb. I am just thinking WTF did I do?!?!?

Look at me! WHAT IS HAPPENING!?!

These two photos were both taken this year. Yes the team photo is on a black background but dang! Look at my arms! Look at my CHIN! Look at my Buddha belly.

DO NOT RUB FOR GOOD LUCK!

I am only 5'3" - so when I gain or lose 15 pounds its A LOT.

I don't ever feel like I want to be a super model. I just want to be my best. I just want to be fit.

So, this fatty is off to the store to get more veggies. I just bought a juicer last week. GAME ON!

 July 2012

 Feb? I think 2012

HOLD THE PHONE! NO COFFEE ON A JUICE CLEANSE!!!!

Oh really now... Is this even possible?

**note** please don't say - you look GREAAAAT! Don't be so HAAAARD on yourself! You have CUUUUURVES! - This current body does NOT make me happy, healthy or a good example. It does NOT help my derby, my life or work (all my nice office clothes are too small).

CHANGE HAPPENS HERE

Brand New Blogger. ME! BFG!

Holy heck Bat Man - I finally created a blog. This is so super exciting. For everyone not just me. Hold on to your skate laces folks. I am just getting started.

But in true BFG style I have somewhere to be in like 45 minutes so I can't write too much.

Just so you know, the blog will be about duh, ROLLER DERBY, fitness, nutrition, silliness, puppets, make up, crafts and just the things that go on in my head. And sometimes escape my mouth.

FIRST THOUGHT WRONG - I learned that from a sober comedian, Mark Lundholm. What I learned from another comedian, FIRST THOUGHT FUNNY. I will do my BEST not to offend but there are no promises.

Snap - Times up. First BLOG short...

Betty Ford Galaxy

(do you sign each blog? It is kinda like a letter... Oh I don't know... crap I just realized I am still in my jimmy-jam-jam-jammies - I gotta jet)