Thursday, December 27, 2012

SEAHAWKS - football is as roller derby does

Over the years of my derby career a funny thing started to happen...

I started to understand AND LIKE other sports. How peculiar. It was slow at first but now I can relate ANY sport to roller derby. Game play, strategy, training, positions, etc. There is pretty much always a derby equivalent.

I have found that studying and learning other sports is making me a better derby player. I better derby thinker. A SPORTS THINKER. And a better coach.

Let's think about FOOTBALL. Specifically the Seahawks. Because I LOVE them. GO HAWKS!

This last game against the 49ers was like watching Da Vinci  paint the Mona Lisa. It was like watching Dale Chihuly blow glass. It was like watching that fight scene in 300. Or any scene from Fight Club. It was art. It was war. It was spectacular.

I had some of the kids I coach watching the football game. I wanted them to see what I saw. See how other sports and their sport are similar. How they can learn from watching others. What it means to fight until the end. What it means to be a team. They really impressed me with how they embraced the sport and learned from it. Also some of us did squats during commercials. Can't do too many squats.

There were perfect moments in that game. A perfect body screen to let the the guy running with the ball get a few more yards. Just like a derby screen can get your jammer a few more points. There were perfect fake outs and jukes. The Hawks were able to fake and clear. Just like a jammer can fake or juke a blocker to get around her.

The agility and footwork of the Hawks makes me want to run ladders for days. It shows how important foot placement can be. It shows how you must have full command of your whole body.

Did you see how they will stiffen their legs and straighten their toes as they catch to make sure they have both feet in bounds? They have to know where they are in relation to out of bounds. There is no rope - they practice so much they just KNOW. They eye it, anticipate and execute to make a fair catch. As in derby you must know where the out of bounds is, the imaginary line of OUT OF PLAY and know when you can hit and not hit.

Did you see Wilson run with the ball and slide just over the line to make a first down and avoid tackle? He doesn't see that big LINE on the screen like we do when we watch it on TV. He has spotted it before the play, he knew where he needed to get to to make a first down. He went for it - just far enough to get the first down but not risk losing the ball or getting injured. Just as a jammer needs to be aware of where she is at, if she is lead then she must be aware of the points she is getting. She can call it off in the pack and still get all 4 if she has legally passed them all (they may have recycled up but she has their point) saving herself time and energy and risk getting penalties or losing lead jammer (banked).

Did you see how many guys are on the side lines? Slapping helmets, giving pep talks and chest bumps? They win as a team. Each one of them has a role off the field just as important as when they are on the field. Especially those who never make it on the field. Those are the guys who pushed them at practice. Who support them. Give them pep talks and constructive advice. There are plenty more players on a football team than can play on the field on game day. Or those injured. They are also there to support. It is the same in derby. The skaters who don't make roster NEED to be there to support the rest of the team. The skaters on the bench who get less play time need to be there when skaters come off the track. Give them feedback, pump them up, pep talk them to the next jam. That is just as important as being on the track. It also keeps you ready and pumped up for when they do put you in.

I like to fancy myself a little bit Marshawn Lynch...
            (Marshawn photo found on Tumbler, can't find photo credit, BFG photo by Jules Doyle)

This is from an article I read about the Seahawks offense.

"Lynch is a hard-nosed, physical runner with outstanding vision, instincts and cutback skills. He excels at reading blockers at the point of attack and has a knack for finding creases in the middle of the defense. Most importantly, Lynch is a bruising finisher who blows through defenders at the end of runs"

Seriously, it's like he is describing roller derby. READING BLOCKERS is so important in derby. Anticipating someones move is crucial because unless they are stopped by the time you get to them they won't be where they were when you started to go at them. To get the best angle on a hit you must read where they are going.

Okay - I am NO Marshawn Lynch but I FANCY myself as one. I do LOVE to hit and blow thru people. And I know how to read a pack, have good derby instincts. He is inspiring me to really work at my RUNNER part, and agility. I do heart agility.

Now I just need to find out what kind of gum Pete Carroll chews for when I coach. I wish I could shadow him for a day. OR even like an hour. I would bring him coffee. Or gum. He is my coach hero. I heart him more than sparkly things. And we all know how much BFG loves sparkly things.

Pete Carrol pic from
BFG pic by Manburger

I may not know all the players names (yet) or know all the correct football terms but I know the sport of it. I am learning more and more every time I watch. I want to bring what I learn to my game, my home team or any team I play on but especially to the kids I coach. GO HAWKS! GO GO GALAXY GIRLS!!!

And I really want a 12 man shirt. A really cool one. What a great number.

Monday, November 26, 2012

The girl who cried "PARTY!"

HOLIDAY THOUGHTS>>> on food and eating...

I saw something on TV about EATING LIKE KINGS. Americans eat like KINGS. Which in the olden days of kings and queens and knights - weight was a sign of being wealthy because you could eat a lot every day. The human body doesn't need that.

And the poor peasants were skinny cuz they were poor and ate only a little. And they had to work (out) in the fields and stuff and so they burnt off what they ate.

okay... what... ya... Fat Lazy Kings ate lots, did nothing but rule and got FAT. Skinny workers ate less, did work and were skinny. Is there some life lesson in here? Maybe something about gluttony? Maybe something about moving and eating less and not being greedy?

I want to stop eating like a KING everyday. Everyday is NOT my birthday so why do I want CAKE every day? I do want to get where my daily diet is good so on holidays I can eat more because it is a celebration. And if you celebrate EVERY DAY! then when there really is a celebration, when you eat the cake, it's not so special.

It's like I am the girl who cried CELEBRATION... after a while, no one really thinks it's a celebration.
Like the boy who cried WOLF in case you didn't get that. I cried PARTY ---


one two three PIXIE STIX!!!!


and so I can't were boots now.

True story. I just got a pair of KEENs in the mail. They don't fit because I have the calves of KINGS and not the spindly legs of a peasant farm worker. My calves are like tree trunks. I am like a tree girl walking around on my tree legs and by trees I don't mean small trees - I mean big giant RED WOODS or something. Like OLD GROWTH.

Yes, I have OLD GROWTH CALVES from eating like a KING and I can't wear boots.

Oh the world is a funny place. I don't know what I would enjoy more... Eating like a king or wearing boots.

I am going to say I enjoy eating more. And that sucks. Because I really want to wear these boots.

Things are about to change... trust me my friend... This is happening. NO MORE EATING LIKE A KING EVERY DAY!!!! I want small Alder tree legs, not Giant Redwood tree legs....

TRUE FACT: I have been on a ZILLION diets. I have gained and lost 20 pounds countless times. I embark again on another diet and a challenge - which I will write more about in another blog... Let's just say....
I hope to wear my KEENs by APRIL 1st.

NO, not HOPE>>>>> I WILL WEAR THEM BY APRIL1st and that's NO JOKE!

Derby comes full circle. Now we are both beginners.


As you probably know I started the Seattle Derby Brats about 6 years ago. Most of the kids then were 10-12. The league grew to two teams, then 4 with two skill ranges, then a travel team, to where we are now with 6 home teams, two at each of 3 levels and one all star travel only team which I coach (It's called the Galaxy Girls, what an amazing name...). I am pretty sure we are one of if not the largest roller derby leagues in the world. 7 teams. 8 if you count the B travel team made up of the home teams for B level travel bouts. But 7 distinct teams without skater crossover.

Okay, I may have been bragging. I may continue to brag for a while. As well as be humbled. YES - I said it, BFG was humbled this weekend for sure.

After a long derby hiatus I tried out this past Sunday for Tilted Thunder Railbirds.I retired from Rat City at the end of June after the champs bout and to me it felt like an eternity and to my friends I complained to about it, probably if felt even longer. When you skate for almost 9 years, 8 full seasons, taking a month of is GREAT. Taking 4 months off. Not so great.

The tryouts started with an interview. Why do I want to skate for Tilted Thunder? (It's banked.) What is my skating experience? (You don't have room on your form for it all.) We seemed to be constiantly interrupted by those passing by. (Cuz I am awesome and everyone wants to talk to me... or.... ) We were sitting on couches by the sign in table. I don't think people thought we were in an interview actually. Gary asked me about painting a plyometrics course on the floor of the Aviary (the fond name of the warehouse that Tilted Thunder uses for practice.) I am helping plan PLYOs for the TTRB travel team. A little something I already teach to the Galaxy Girls.

Girls started to file in. All of them from the Flight School hosted by TTRB except me and one other skaters. ThumPurr from the Hula Honey's - Jet City Rollergirls. OH and I might add. a former SEATTLE DERBY BRAT AND GALAXY GIRL!!!

That is correct my friends. I was trying out for TTRB along side one of my former junior skaters. I cannot tell you how excited I am for her. She is such an amazing kid with such a huge future infront of her, not just in derby but in life. She went from hardly knowing how to skate to being a very powerful and strong blocker on the Galaxy Girls. On the Hula Honey's she really came into her derby and was not only a feirce blocker but one of the teams constant jammers. I went to several of her bouts to watch. ThumPurr is only the second of my juniors to age out, they all seemed to start so young. The other, wonderful girl, Victoria Deck'em, went on to cooking school and is an amazing baker these days. ThumPurr is my first to go off and join an adult league.

>>>>> FAST FORWARD >>>>

We both made the league. We are in our probation period of 90 days. We hope to both be placed on the same team (hearts think hearts and red and Mad Hatter) in January. Okay, I KNOW I WANT US ON THE SAME TEAM!!!

Don't you think we should be on the same team? That would be so super FAB. Just saying. FAB.

Anyways. I am now on a league with a girl who I used to coach on a junior team. I think that is awesome. The derby is going to change. The kids are amazing.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012


Have you heard that many Olympic athletes use "VISUALIZATION" as part of their regular training regimen? Its a true story. Google it. Visualization is key to becoming the skater you want to be. You want to be a speedy jammer? Then you better visualize yourself AS a speedy jammer. If you want to juke like ping pong ball on the track? Then you outta be visualizing yourself popping all over the place.

I have tried it. It works. I have seen it work in others.

There is a problem. I CAN NOT FOCUS.... I get so distracted that I find it hard to meditate - visualize - squirrel. I have such a hard time with doing this on my own that I have had to find little tricks to help me out. If you are like me then you might find some of these helpful and fun. You can also do #5 & #6 as team bonding stuff to and visualize for the whole team... WAY AWESOOOOME!

Here are my 7 tips...

For my work computer I have to use about 10 different systems that all require passwords. I have changed them all to be something positive. Something that helps me redirect my focus to my goals. It's easy. Example: "Go to the gym today!" can become g02gym2d@y!  That is a pretty secure password... Awesome! It reminds me to go to the gym! yes OR you could be more like "I am a fast jammer" can become imaF@stJmr

#2 - CHANGE THE BACKGROUND ON YOUR PHONE - make the background on your phone a picture of you doing what your goal is. Photo shop if you have to. Every time you look at your phone you will see your goal. It's an easy way to see you as the way you want to be.

#3 - CHANGE YOUR SCREEN SAVER AND BACKGROUND ON COMPUTER - I have just changed both the background on my work computer and the screen saver to a bunch of photos of me playing banked track, the better ones. I want to visualize myself as a fast, strong, agile, HAPPY banked track skater. This will help me when I try out for Tilted Thunder on Oct 27th. Make sure you pick the better pics, you don't need to put them all up. Just the ones that are going to help you not hinder you. Don't pick photos of you F-ing up or falling or what ever bad thing.

If you have not DONE what your goal is yet, example, if I had not played any banked bouts yet I could put photos of my favorite banked track skaters and photoshop myself in there or put a close up myself between each banked track skater photo so that I see myself on that track and associate myself with my goal.

#4 - MAKE YOUR OWN GUIDED MEDITATION - true story - I use the recorder on my iPhone to make myself guided meditations. I talk about my goals and what I want to achieve and I play it back to myself with my eyes closed and try to SEE in my minds eye what I am telling myself. Sound crazy? So what. Try it before you knock it. And I have a pretty voice. So it's cool.

#5 - MAKE A VISION BOARD - it's kinda like a collage - you can use glue sticks and glitter and bring out your inner 8 year old. Cut out pictures of your goal and key words. Glue them all together and make it pretty and fun. Then hang it somewhere that you are going to see it every day. Add to it when you need to. Have fun with it.

#6 - MAKE A GOAL SHRINE - dedicate a top of a dresser or a shelf somewhere to your goal. Put there fun pictures that represent your goal. On my desk at work I have all my trophies. I keep them at work because I am there more than anywhere else. By the trophies I place other things that represent my goal. A new skate wheel. The color of the team I want to be one. The size I want to be when I hit my goal weight. It's there for me to look at all the time. YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE There it is!!! IT'S A SIX!!!

#7 - SHUT YOUR FRIGGIN EYES AND BE QUIET - when you lay down to sleep at night and shut your eyes, JUST TRY for a bit to tune out the day. SEE yourself in your minds eye achieving your derby goal. TELL yourself you are doing what ever it is you want to be doing. If you want to be able to hit while skating backwards SEE YOURSELF doing that... then say over and over."I can skate backwards and hit. I am effective. I am swift. I am agile. I am strong. I can skate backwards and hit. I can transition. I can! I can! I can!" Even if you can only do it for a few minutes before you zone out and are picking out shoes in your brain or planning a trip or wonder what color to dye your hair or what ever you move on to think about, that's okay too. The more you try it, the easier it becomes and if you have the other things around your house that you have seen over and over it will be easier for you to see the goal in your minds eye...

There are other things you can do - these are just some of the things I like to do. Try new things and do what works for you. Do something you can stick with... HAHAHAHA

Ya right. I can't stick with anything, yet I repeat everything. I read a lot of stuff, well, I start a LOT of books and I skim a lot of articles on line and the underlying message I see over and over is that you REAP WHAT YOU SOW, you become what you believe, YOU CREATE YOUR OWN FUTURE, your thoughts become your reality... ON AND ON AND ON...

These are just some of the things I do. I don't always reach my goals but I reach more goals than if I never tried anything. I sometimes reach a goal then stop doing what I am doing that got me there and fall back (weight loss, house cleaning, bills, etc) and I have to start over. Each time I learn a little more. Life is in fact about the journey right? What if I achieved all my goals and was bored because I had nothing left to strive for???

As with derby, as with life... the victory may be sweet, but the fight is often sweeter.

Or is it, without a fight the victory is less sweet?
If you didn't work for it, is it yours?

Um, ya, that's deep, sorry if I got to deep for anyone... Sparkle. Sparkle. Gum drop.

No go shut your eyes and get to work!

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Betty Ford Ga-owl-axy

Betty Ford Ga-owl-axy.

Those are my fans! They love me!
Robot Sharpener is like "Heeey BFG!!! Heeeeeeay!"

Flashlight Cat thinks... "OMBFG! That's really her!"
 But he is too freaked out to look at her.

Yup, I won those! Those my bling b**ches!

Andy Warhol, eat your heart out.

Weeeeeeee! I am swimming in DERBY!


Owl is well.

The end.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

The BFG ODDyssey

It's dark. The only sound is the tinnitus that constantly rings in my ears and the gentle hum of the engines on the Mother Ship. Making me painfully aware I am alive, yet alone. My only companion the reflection of myself in the porthole glass.

The journey is on.

As I look out the windows of the craft I am in awe of the beautiful planets dancing in the galaxy. A slow and repetitive dance of life. Spinning, circling, gliding. The same path over and over. The circle of life? The mundane existence of consistency? It is still beautiful - and I watch.

Each planet represents a chapter in my life. Each as story. Some happy, some sad, I think of childhood friends and the dreams we had. Funny how life imitates art. Songs and stories from the past become realities in our present. Each reality unique to our own perception.

As the ship sails past I see my happy yet odd childhood years, the early 20s which for all extensive purposes were a bit bland, the dark decade of debacle and debauchery and then sobriety and the need for all things extreme as if sobriety wasn't extreme enough.

My gaze lingers on each planet a while. Reliving each moment with innocent fondness, enjoying my past and in gentle awe of how these moments are the framework for my present. The lifeblood and essence of the being I am right now in this moment. So many moments. So many reflections.

As the planets slip away I am reminded that I am on a journey. Not a journey down memory lane but a vast voyage, an extraordinary expedition to a new and fulfilling future. The planets are beautiful and I am filled with joy as the inhabitants of them wave to me, they smile, fond memories of the people in my past. As we pass I am not to be saddened by their departures but to embrace the love and/or knowledge gained from knowing them. Not always both were obtained, sometimes love, sometimes knowledge, sometimes both. One questions not the origin of learning if the learning serves a purpose. Wisdom comes from many sources. It is for me to keep my eyes open to receive the wisdom, keep my soul adjusted to comprehend the wisdom and keep my heart open so I am able to appreciate the wisdom, regardless of the source. Sometimes despite the source.

The most recent planets are so vivid and clear yet at the same time so distant and conjure emotions yet to be dealt with. A swirling sea of decisions and actions. How strange to see and feel such a myriad of truth about myself. The wisdom of these most recent planets yet to seep into my heart. To my knowing. How the adventures on these planets will play out in my future is yet a story to be told. I wonder where the ship is heading. Where will these planets guide me to. The decisions of my most recent life changes are jumping around inside my head. Clouding the path in front of me. Or is it a path at all? This uncharted wilderness of space and time I call my future? What have I done? Where am I headed? How can I go on?

There is a small whisper from behind me. I am not alone after all. I never was. My co-pilot smiles in the darkness. I can't see Him, but I know He is there. I feel the smile in my heart. Because I love you with SMILES.

The ship, the Co-Pilot and I drift on, toward the uncharted planets of the galaxy that is my future and though I am not fully aware of where I am headed I am at peace with where I am at.

A final thought to all my friends... No matter where this journey takes me, no matter where I stop, no matter what my face is painted like, always remember, I love you with SMILES.

And enjoy your journey.

Thursday, August 23, 2012


There seems to be this whole hubbabalew on the internet about 3 skaters transferring to Oly right before the WFTDA western regionals.

How do I feel about that. Think think ... well, what does Betty Ford Galaxy think about this "transfer" business. Well. I think LOTS OF STUFFS...

They seem to have valid reasons. So meh. Let EM TRANSFER! Kudos. Make your mega team and win win win! I have not played the sports before I played the roller derby but to ME... small hick/punk kid from Monroe... winning isn't the most important part of the game to me. So I am thinking that "WINNING" maybe wasn't their main motivation. I could be wrong...

SURE IT KICKS ASS TO WIN AND and AND I WANT TO WIN AND and AND I TRY TO WIN... but WHY I want to win is maybe different than why THOSE ladies want to win. and well, that's okay. Right? We all get our opinions and thoughts and desires and we all have our reasons for wanting to win.

Before the roller derby I didn't do sports but for a few years I did the race car driving. 4 Cyl stock cars, demo derbys, a boat race and roll over "attemp". I have actually been hinkering with the idea of going back to that soon.... BY THE BY... for those who give a rip... racing is 1000% more exciting personally in my gut and heart than roller derby IN THE MOMENT. BA-BAM!!!

But derby is more than just IN THE MOMENT for me. FOR ME... My blog.. me.. you think what you like.

Did I ever win a car race... NO... But I did win two PRE SHOW DEMO DERBY CAR trophies and they are pretty friggin' sweet. Did I want to WIN? Bet your arse I wanted to win... I COULD TASTE IT!!! I WANTED IT!!! I COULD SMELL IT!! I tried so hard... but no wins..

Was my time on the race track a waste because I never won one... absolutely and completely NOT. It was some of the best times of my life. My brothers and Dad were my PIT crew. My whole family and tons of friends would come to watch me race. It was pretty frigging amazing. I raced in Monroe, where I did most of my growing up (insert witty peanut gallery response here about me still not being "growed up yet"). My first job ever was slinging burgers and popcorn at the concession stands of that very same Evergreen Speedway. It was an amazing time.

I spent HOURS and HOURS and HOURS gutting cars, welding, tinkering, painting, reinforcing, cleaning, and spending time with friends and family while I did so. It wasn't the WIN that kept me racing. It was the time spent working toward a goal. Frikin awesome goal! Time with family. The anticipation of the race day approaching. The THRILL and ADRENALINE of the race itself. I mean. Hitting people on the derby track with your body while on skates is one thing but HITTING ANOTHER CAR WITH YOUR CAR - - - ON PURPOSE - - - is a just such a specacular trill most people will never know and a risk most will never know either. Sure you can get real hurt in ROLLER DERBY but smashing a car into another is just well, it's friggin awesome. It wasn't the WIN. It was TRYING to win and GIVING IT MY ALL!!! and getting farther each race...

(True fact, I was never injured in racing cars, in derby I have broken a leg, 3 fingers, tore hamstring, quad and groin pulls, a separated shoulder and a suprascapulous (sp) tear... that might be the same thing but it was two different times, different shoulders - my car engine did catch on fire once in the middle of a race and the race had to be stopped... no biggie)

Okay smartypants pinky purple headed babbler, if AUTO RACING was the bee's knees then why did you stop and WHAT? pray-tell - does this have to do with OLY.

(sparkle sparkle gum drop)

Well, there was a point in racing where to get farther financially was going to be tuff, but I wasn't letting that stop me... What it was is this... I didn't make but 1 friend doing the auto smashy fun races. A few acquaintances were made but no friends. Even the 1 friend I did make I have only seen a small handful of times in the past 8ish years since I quit racing. I wanted something different and I literally was TOLD to go play roller derby (thanks Kelly - some of the best advice / telling to I have ever gotten, changed my world) ...

This ROLLER DERBY seemed super. So I tried it and I liked it and I got better and things moved along. I started a junior derby and well, that pretty much ate a ton of my time for the last 6 years. I skated. I coach. I have bootcamps and stuff. I love roller derby and almost everything about it. Don't like derby drama. And do my best to stay out of it. MY BEST doesn't mean I get to stay all the way out of it and just writing this is probably going to cause some DRAMAS somewhere for SOOOOOM body... who cares. blah blah

So for me I can see there are so many sides to this OLY thing.

I see that these OLY ladies just wanted to play at a level they can play at. Go for the big WIN. Kudos.  I don't understand how people afford to fly all over for practice. But that ain't none of my beeswax (second bee slang word... neat).

I have left my original home team, The Throttle Rockets, TWICE now. 4 years on, one season off, 3 years on and now gone again. BOTH TIMES LEAVING WAS LIKE A DEATH. It is so hard but I know to grow sometimes you have to go through pain and each time I left there were real reasons that meant something to ME. Others might have seen it different. The first time I was getting married and I was really burnt out on derby. I left to go to a league who would require LESS time of my. Less committee work and less practice minimum. That gave me time to plan the wedding. It also showed me how much I loved my home team and how much I missed them so very stupid much. So after the season I went back...

oh yeah, it was AFTER the season. I knew a few months in I wanted to go back but BUT BFG had given her word to this new team that she would be there a season, and I thought it was the right thing to do to stay a whole season. So I did. I love those girls too. They were very open and fun. The Camaro Harem. I still heart you ladies. Thank you for the wedding knives.

This last time I left is because I want to play banked track derby. I want a new experience. I want to grow. Being almost 42 there is not a lot of time left to have that chance. So I thought. Might as well try. RISK MORE to get more. The old league is amazing, and also has it's faults, as all leagues do. It is just how it is.

                                                                                        photo by Joe Grasso

Trying new things is a good thing. So for the most part - MOST of me is okay with this OLY thing because I am pretty sure the ladies as LADIES as humans as individuals ALL had real personal reasons for going.

No one said I was a douchbag for leaving, twice. Was that because it was at the end of the season when I left before drafts? Was it because I am not the same caliber skater as those girls? Shouldn't a skater of any level get to choose where they skate? Or is is because I live in the same house/place and all these leagues are within less than an hour drive from my house? (I live in the sticks, nothing is less than 30 minutes... NOTHING)

ON THE FLIP SIDE. The derby nerd me that watches regionals and sits in one spot for 10 hours at a time and takes notes is not so happy about the transfers. For some reasons and they are.

They might be stacking their team and the nature of roller derby is DIY and have fun, be a community and bring each other up not ship in better skaters. So stacking is not in line with what I knew when I started derby But then when I started there was no one to stack with or a WFTDA or regionals or well, there was not much... but a community of crazy fun girls doing some shit together and being cool. OH and playing a rad sport.

Fact - those woman are SICK derby skaters and YES 3 of them can make a team. Sorry, that's not being douchy to AZRD or any team, that is just derby factoid.

The derby nerd in me would have liked to see Jet City at regionals. I think they were pretty solid all year. That being said they too have just brought on some talent. But more than 30 days ahead and talent has already bouted and is also a returning skater. OH and I would derby nerd like to see AZRD and JET bout it out to see who gets that 10th spot at regionals. That would be my derby wish.

I think the big thing everyone has missed is ONDA SLIGH.... O M G. HOLY MOLY GUACAMOLE!
She is just about the most epic skater I have ever seen. Her twists, turns, jukes and jumps are something of mythical creatures, rainbows and witchcraft all rolled up into one amazing derby machine. Oh, maybe she is a robot. I am not sure. She could be a robot. That would explain her vertical jumps from what appears to be a complete stand still. RO-BOT...

Derby Bot

biddy biddy biddy

derby derby derby (say it like biddy biddy biddy in your head... If you are old enuff to get this reference, if not just pretend I am crazy and go with it...) (pretending not necessary, I am crazy - wee bit.)

So first look at the Oly Transfer Debacle of 2012 it seems shifty, shisty, screwy. ((my new name for it) Debacle might be the wrong word. I am not a WORD SMITH. I just like how it sounds.)

But at second look, maybe they are just ladies who want to play at OLY. Meh - they are friends, don't we all want to play where our friends are (doh crap, my bestie - GAMLAMNO is still at Rat City... um... so)

            photo by BINGME

                                                                                                                                    photo by RJB

And on third look, it kinda cheapens the WFTDA standings. I am fine they want to switch, it'd kinda the timing and what it means for other teams who are going to regionals (or not) and also nationals and who they will play. Sure they might beat the Gotham but for all those other teams who do work super hard and play the hand they are dealt and have to skate against a team with Aces up their sleeve.

AND lastly... They are all so amazing. I am not judging or knocking any of them but if people start flying in people and that's how it's gonna go the Nationals is just going to end up USA Stars vs USA Stripes. I was in the Toronto and watched that bout. IT WAS AMAZING FAN FRICKIN TASTIC DERBY!!!! I am not saying it's a bad thing but it wouldn't really be working with what you got to build teams.

Derby is so great because anyone can do it. With super teams going to regionals and nationals it makes the little guy start to think, ya, maybe I CAN'T DO THAT. and that kinda sucks. Derby should be a CAN DO place. Derby used to make me feel like I could do anything... still does most days. I don't want to lose that.

                                                     photo by Frank Blau

Well, Just like I can't make up my mind about what kind of coffee to get when I go to Starbucks and I can't decide on a permanent hair color. I also can't decide how I feel about this...


Monday, August 6, 2012

Make every road trip the ADVENTURE OF A LIFE TIME

Over the past 9 years I have traveled A LOT for roller derby. I have traveled to play, coach and just watch. I have had car trips and airplane rides but not buses or trains... yet.

Some of my trips have been SUPER AMAZING!!! Some have sucked rocks. Some were exciting! Some super boring. What is it about traveling that can make or break a person?

Well - I have gone over my past adventures and came up with some good tips. I had a road trip last weekend where I implied some of these things, you know, for THE RESEARCH. I wanted to make this mini trip the BEST TRIP EVER! Was that possible in just a drive from Seattle to Portland for a one nighter?

WELL - I have it my best shot... and I think I did pretty fantabulous.

Here are the top 12 things I suggest for a super FUN derby trip. Why are there 12?
Because my number is 12 and I love things about me.

1)  Go with a travel buddy who is super fun and like minded. Who appreciates your sleep schedule and your drinking capacities. If you like to stay up late then find a roomie who likes the same - stuff like that. Then you won't have arguments or resentments later.

2) Pack lots of costumes and/or hats. This is a must. Normal clothes are for staying home and going to work, unless you have a super rad job where you wear hats and costumes everyday, then I am kinda jealous.

3) Name your adventure. Make shirts. Dress alike. It's funny when you stop places.

4) Bring snacks and beverages for the road so you don't have to stop unless you want to.

5) Make sure you leave plenty of time for the trip so you CAN stop whenever you want and take photos with giant balls of string or pet some pigmee goats.

6) Pixie Stix = the friend maker

7) Pack a swim suit, always, even if there is no pool anywhere, you never know. Be willing to jump in lakes, fountains, pools, rivers and rain barrels.

8) Bring random toys to take photos with. I prefer squeeky Pirate Chickens. (Peggy Clyde & Hooky Hank). Sometimes I bring my puppet, BFG2.0 but usually only when I am on a trip by myself and need the company. (Which is actually in deviation from the #1 rule. (going on trips by myself makes me a little nutty - see video

9) Be willing to do what the others want. Go with the flow. Don't be a stick in the mud.

10) Ask a local for a good FUNKY FUN place to eat. You won;t find the best places on Google or in a phone book (a what?) or in a newspaper.... You gotta ask. Locals know!

11) Bring a camera, NO ONE WILL BELIEVE YOU IF THERE ISN'T PROOF. But be careful, sometimes you don't want proof.

12) Win the after party.There are several ways to WIN an after party. The main thing is to go in, be noticed, cause a fun commotion, say hey to all your teammates and congratulate/thank/high five the team you bouted against and then leave before you do anything too stupid. There can be more than ONE winner of the after party. Just be a winner!

The fact for me is this. After all my road trips. It is not the facts of the game I remember so much as the feeling from the game. The outcome of the game is remembered less in the score but who won and how do I feel about what me and my team brought, win or lose...

BUT what is really remembered is HOW MUCH FUN DID I HAVE? What did I do before and after the bout? Who did I go with? Where there proper amounts of shenanigans had? Did I win the after party? Are my pictures super cute?

By no means am I saying the bout is not important. It is the reason I breath. It is my life to train for derby, scrimmage, study derby and coach derby and watch derby and love derby and why I would travel in the first place. I personally play better when I am in good spirits so by having a good trip, I am going to have a better game and a better memory. One day, that is all derby will be for all of us. A memory. Make yours a good one.

For the rest of the photos from my last trip check this link to my BFG athlete page photo album.

And look forward to new photos after my next coaching trip this weekend to Edmonton for the
For more fun videos check out my YOUTUBE channel. BFG12TR

Please feel free to comment on or share my blog.

And lastly, don't be afraid to draw on your face. Even if you already drew on your face.

ps. Doesn't Peggy Clyde look good after the BFG LASIC?

Monday, July 30, 2012



                                       THIS WARRIOR HAS A CHALLENGE FOR YOU!!!

So, WHO GOT FAT WITH ME?!?! Well, maybe you didn't get fat but maybe you just are not in the super awesome WARRIOR / GLADIATOR / MUTHER F-ING SWEET shape you want to be in. Right there with you... I am... right THERE!

I always said I am not so much the type to wear bikinis in public. I tell myself this. BUT - I am not in BIKINI SHAPE. That is the truth. BUT.....  I was, in April. Of this year. For a month of my life I WAS IN SHAPE. Then "life happened" and I just caved. I gave in. I ate. I stopped moving.

How many of you just "give in"? How many of you "justify" that Ben and Jerrys? How many of you just eat what you WANT because you DESERVE IT! YOU WILL WORK OUT MORE TOMORROW!!!!

Then - holy crap buckets bat man - tomorrow comes and you don't make it to the gym. Then the next day comes and jumping Jehoshaphat and you don't make it to the gym again. And so on and so on. Then one day the gym calls to see if you are still alive cuz they haven't seen your pretty face in MONTHS!!!


HOW??? You ask did I get in SHAPE in April. Well, I started right after Thanksgiving and FRIGGIN WORKED OUT LIKE EVERY DAY!!! and I watched what I ate. Once in a while I still DID eat THE BEN AND THE JERRYS because I was a working out fool.

WHY??? You ask - could I do it then when I don't do it now?
The answer my friend is this - PROPER MOTIVATION. I KNEW that I was going to have my picture taken in a BIKINI sooooooo I got BIKINI READY. Really, for me, I needed that motivation. Maybe I am the type who just can't make a friggin "Lifestyle" change... Maybe I am going to have to need some sort of weird "motivation" for ever and ever. Maybe. OR maybe 5 months wasn't long enough to set it straight in my brain and body and soul what I needed to do and really change my lifestyle.

SO... here is what I am gonna do. I know that I need motivation. I know I can't be the only one.

I am going to set up a series of challenges. To challenge myself and to challenge my friends. To get support from my friends and to support others going through what I am going through.


                                                        WE CAN ALL BE WINNERS!

My first challenge will be the BFG WARRIOR 300 challenge. When I was working out like a crazy loon I had a personal trainer and we did the 300 a few times a week. It is inspired by the movie 300 and the work out that the people in the film did. There is an official work out you can find on line but we modified it so that I could pick any work out and all my reps had to add up to 300.

It will last for one MONTH - August... ALL OF AUGUST! Working out! Every day! No breaks!

This is the official 300 work out (which I acquired from the Internets).

Pullups - 25
Deadlifts with 135lbs - 50
Pushups - 50
24-inch Box jumps - 50
Floor wipers - 50
1-arm 36lbs Kettlebell Clean n Press - 50 reps
Pullups – 25

You are to do these with no breaks. Well, I was not able to do any pull ups from a series of derby shoulder injuries so my trainer had me modify and I picked from a list and did 300 something.

300 anything is better than 300 nothing!!!

Here are some suggestions if you want to switch it up.
Chin ups (wrists toward you)
Donkey Kicks
Leg Lifts
One legged Squats
Star Jumps
Kettle Bell Swing
Chair Dips
V-up sit ups
Mountain Climbers

For a greater challenge do any that apply on a BOSU ball or balance board (one leg squats or v up sit ups for example). You can also add weight to any of them. (example do crunches holding a medicine ball on your chest or do leg lifts with your skates on.)

You can also adjust the height if you want on box jumps, or adjust weights, or even do a modified PULL UP with your feet on a chair P90X style. What ever your little heart desires. As long as you do a total of 300.


I have created an EVENT for this and you can just say you are going and post there and look there for motivation and

I want to see your best WARRIOR pictures!!! So post them to the EVENT WALL! SHARE!

After the month is over, everyone who stuck with it for a month can post ONE warrior picture of themselves on the Facebook event and the three photos with the most LIKES on them gets a special prize from BFG.

You must have stuck with it for the whole month. There are enough things that you can do it without a gym, when you are not at home, etc so NO EXCUSES!!!

If you started a few days late because you didn't see this before the August 1st then just don't miss any days from the day you start and go for 30 days!

Here is the link to the Facebook event:

                                                              YOU ARE A WARRIOR!!!

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Why the HECK didn't I go to ROLLERCON

What the crap! It's 9am Saturday morning and I don't have coffee yet. My cat is sitting on my important papers watching me type. Thanks KITTY! My left leg is asleep, not still asleep, but RE asleep. I have poor circulation so they just do that. I hope to not have to cut one off one day AND now I hope I didn't just jinx myself into having to cut one off one day. Like that guy climbing mountains who ate his arm off.

My plans for the day are this... clean the kitchen, do laundry, work on my new craft room, go to a baby shower at 2, then come back home and do more work on craft room and Sunday the highlight of the whole day will be to hopefully FINISH the craft room.

I mean it is going to be a 'derby dream craft room' with a cutter, heat press, button maker, sewing machine and lots of glitter. LOTS OF SPARKLY THINGS. And a small puppet theater. A box of google eyes and a sh*t ton of felt. Okay, maybe not ALL derby girls dream of a puppet theater but this one does.

OH BUT GUESS THE HECK WHAT!?!?!? MY carpenter husband, who normally brings me coffee from Starbucks every morning is off in the woods working on a film project (The Blair Witch III?) and that is why I have no coffee but worse! WHO IS GONNA HELP ME BUILD MY PUPPET THEATER?... or should I say THEATRE and make it a "fancy" puppet theater?

Oh I can ask Dozer's husband Dizzy Zerby - he builds stuff - BUT WAIT!


How does this happen? I went to the first one! I even got the tattoo to prove it! I still skate! I like Las Vegas! I like pick up bouts! I like buying merch stuffs I don't really need! I like BUFFETS, swimming pools, staying up late, getting up early, more buffets, slot machines, more slot machines, and blinky lights and seeing skaters from all over that I love that i know will there. I like hanging out with fun people! Yet AGAIN! I didn't get tickets, I didn't make plans and now.... NOW WITH FANCY SMARTYPANTS SMART PHONES and THE FACEBOOKS!!! You freaking fancy outfit wearing - fun time happening - pick up bout playing fools are posting your FUNS and SHENANIGANS all over the Facebooks!

In years past I could just ignore the fun and good times but now! it's so super in MY FACE with happy good roller derby stuff times.

IN YOUR FACE BETTY FORD GALAXY!!!! IN  Y O U R  FACE! In your pretty, not a day over 32 pretty in purple hair and/or pink or what ever color you choose FACE! and in your painted up SPACE ACE, coolest glitter rollergirl face paint on the planet bout day coolness FACE!!!


Yup there it is. In my face. And I am SOOOO SUPER DUPER DUPER regretting not going this year.

Thanks a lot ROLLERCON and happy ROLLERCON goers. This would be so much easier to ignore if I had no FACEBOOKS... but only losers don't have the Facebooks (until the new thing comes out and we all get that... well the next new good thing cuz the new Google + thing and circles is for the birds, circles make me dizzy.)

WHY!?! Why didn't I go?!?!? I have vacation time at work. I could have planned better and got a ticket  and flights a long time ago.

SO that is my plan for 2013. Dozer says you can get tickets for next years R-CON cheap right after this RollerCon. So that is what I am going to do. I am going to find a cheap flight soon and book it. Or maybe right after Christmas or something but soon. And a hotel and maybe a rent a car for a day to visit a friend who lives close. DUH! I COULD HAVE VISITED MY FRIEND TOO! DUUUUHHH!!!

OR I might volunteer to COACH next year and get in for free. Wait - I like that better. Who thinks I should coach there next year? I love coaching DUH! DUH! OH THE HORROR! THE HORROR!

Now I am even more mad at myself! I FRIGGIN LOVE COACHING! I could be there right now COACHING and skating on my new TINY ADONIS WHEELS and hanging out BLOWING PEOPLES MINDS with my awesome costumes and bouting in pick up bouts and buying cool shwag I DON'T EVEN NEED!!! AND COACHING cool stuff to people! - what was I thinking???

Holy heck BAT MAN! Next year I need a better plan.


Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Junior ROCKIN RED shows huge heart in the derby community

I have had the pleasure of being Rockin' Red's coach for about 5 years. Such a wonderful girl with so much potential. Off the track she is shy and sweet and full of heart. When she skates she is strong and graceful and smart. I have always been so very proud of her.

I am touched when the kids I coach show up and support me when I skate. Even more touched when they bring me a sign. Last Saturday I bouted with Trouble Brewing on the banked track vs Tilted Thunder's (TTRB) Rolling Blackouts. It was an amazingly fun bout. You already know that. So when R'Red and her family showed up I was super excited to see them. With a sign (bonus points).

Most derby events have junior derby (or some charity) doing a 50/50 raffle. At the TTRB bout their juniors, the PEEPs, held one of those. The sales of raffle tickets was almost $500!

AND who do you think won but Rockin' Red's Family!!!
A Seattle Derby Brat WON the raffle for the Peeps junior derby! How cool is that?!

Do you know what is even cooler?? DO YOU!!??!!

Rockin' Red - being the amazing young lady she is - suggested her family donate all the winnings BACK TO THE PEEPS! That is right people! She gave back $234 to the Peeps! She could have kept it and bout clothes or skate stuff or games or make up or what ever but she didn't. She wanted to help them with their fundraising and support junior roller derby.

Rockin' Red is a great example of what I love about the Roller Derby Community.

Thank you Rockin' Red for being you.

Love your Mean Coach Betty

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Banked Track - DISHES - Flat Track

I am using Dragon dictation  to write my blog today.

It's pretty sweet.

Yesterday I got to play on an ad hoc team called Trouble Brewing on the banked track. We bouted  the Rolling Blackouts who are the number one team for Tilted Thunder - Washington states only banked track league out of the Seattle/Everett area.    he he he he

Off topic I just figured out if you exhale hard Dragon dictation thinks I want to spell he. He he he he he he he he he this is very funny to me - he he he.

The bout was fun. SO FUN! We wore our STARBUCKS shirts - get it - TROUBLE BREWING! and we had on our CHEEZEBALL BEARINGS patches because, even though an adhoc team, we are sponsored by CHEEZEBALL. Sweet - be jelly - their bearings are pretty sweet. We didn't win the bout because we didn't score as may points as the Blackouts. BUT we did win the bout because we all had a super great time. We played really hard. No one got hurt. We had fun. It wasn't a blow out. AND  I just feel like a winner. 

One of the best parts of the night was after the bout when the entire team of the Rolling Blackouts came into our locker room with drinks (they forgot to bring me a ROCKSTAR so I downed a few Pixie Stix while they did shots together). It was such an amazing show of sportsmanship and camaraderie for derby girls. It made me super happy. Rosary Bleeds even picked me up. She is very strong.

Today I am reflecting on my choice to leave Rat City. I am an OVER THINKER so I often think about - was the the RIGHT decision? I miss the Throttle Rockets bunches. Is banked for me? What if I am wrong? BLAH BLAH OVER THINKER. So I am going to do the dishes and clear my head. I also realized I think I can type faster than the DRAGON DICTATION because I have to keep correcting things. Not so sweet.

That was at 10am. I unloaded the dishwasher. Clean dish - cupboard, I have fun dishes - FIESTA WARE because EVERY DAY A PARTY UP IN HERE - can I get a WHAT! WHAT!

Then I noticed some fruit. Fruit is funny. So I made a PINEAPPLE MAN. Then cleaning up the counter a little and gathering dirty dishes I noticed CHERRY POP TARTS... break time. TV time. POP TART time, finishing up my morning STARBUCKS and POP TARTS, catching up on my SPONGE BOB - who lives in a PINEAPPLE under the sea if you didn't know. Then back to dishes.

Clearing more counter, took recycle out... started to load the dishwasher then I remembered I need a new phone. So I got on the computer to look up prices, I think BEST BUY is going to be my BEST BUY - which - breath hard -  he he he - is very funny to me. I love when things are funny to me. Funny is a good place to be. 

While I was looking at phones I had to stop by the Facebooks because I am sort of a FACEBOOK WHORE - Can't get enough of the Facebooks. Which is partly why I need a new phone because I can't get on FB on my current phone without it dying and NO it is not trying to tell me something. NO life lesson in that one other than my phone is old and in need of replacing. The UNIVERSE is NOT trying to tell me I need more ME time and time away from the technology time suckers. SO um ya...

Then when I was on the FACEBOOKs I noticed that there are bouts going on LIVE in Texas so thank you WFTDA for posting that link... Then I was like - WOAH! It's 11:30 and the dishes are still not done.

MIND YOU - I don't have that many dishes.  I should have been done by 11.

So now I am watching some flat track. And lucky deal for me with Trouble Brewing and other teams, I will still get to play flat track and coach flat track. I do not regret leaving. Nothing grows or changes without leaps of faith and taking steps toward new things. As much as I love coaching I also love learning new things. It's almost 1 now - I should finish the dishes...

BUT here I am enjoying some FLAT TRACK. Loving the BANK TRACK. And hating DISHES.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

The Sedentary Rollergirl

In the 9 years I have been skating my weight has gone up and down like a YO YO. I have cross trained like a fool and I have been a couch potato. I have had injury and rehab. I have done about every fad and good diet out there. I even did the Ultimate Cleanse before my wedding a few years back. I often think, I should be thinner with all this skating I do and cross training a few days a week outta do it. Right? I also use the fact that I skate as an excuse to be lazy and watch TV or take naps.

I skate/practice 2-4 times a week. I coach on skates 2-4 times a week. I cross train 2-4 times a week.

Well, after some years of frustrating weight gain and what I thought was lack of discipline on my part or bad genetics I decided to do some more research after hearing just a snippet of something on the radio about working out might not be enough if and I might have a.... SEDENTARY LIFESTYLE!!!

After a lot of research I have come to a conclusion or hypothesis or epiphany or something...

It is my own definition of a "sedentary rollergirl"


Answer yourself these questions...

1 - do you sit more than 4 - 6 hours a day at work?
2 - do you watch more than 2 hours of TV a day?
3 - do you have a long commute?
4 - do your leisure activities include eating out (sitting) or movies (sitting)?
5 - do you use derby as an excuse to be lazy in other parts of your life?

check,check, check, check AND check!


Here are my facts:

*I sit for 9 hours a day with hardly any movement (even though I have a stand up desk. I hardly ever stand.) SITTING!
*I watch about 2 hours of TV a day, more on weekends. If I am not watching TV I am often on the computer or playing video games. ALSO SITTING.
*And I have a LONG commute (30-40 minutes for work/practice) MORE SITTING!
*I do go to lots of movies and eat out a lot. YUP - THAT IS SITTING!
*I do use my hot tub a lot. HEY THAT IS SITTING TOO!!!
*I make excuses... say that again. I MAKE EXCUSES to be lazy. I SIT WHEN I CAN SIT.

Last January I started to work nine 9 hour days so I can have every other Friday off. So I really am at my desk 9 - 10 hours on most days. I often SIT IN ONE SPOT for 3-4 hours without moving to even get a FREE CUP OF DELICIOUS STARBUCKS COFFEE or use the restroom. I SIT. SIT and MORE SIT. I almost never have meetings to walk to. Just SIT SIT SIT.

When I do take advantage of my stand up desk it is usually only for a few minutes like ONCE a day.

One day I wore my skates at work. Which is allowed as long as I don't roll around too much. They said I can stand in them at my desk if I wanted. I did. But only once.

The research shows that even if you work out a few times a week (3-5 times even), having an overall sedentary lifestyle can increase weight, depression and many diseases. It can also significantly shorten your life.

And I am pretty sure it is NOT good for my roller derby game.

This maybe one of the reasons I always seem to have a fighting battle with my weight. Not just because I am older (which yes, at 41 does have a little bit to do with it) but because when I was younger I was a waitress, running around all the time and went dancing almost every night.



I am going to get me one of those steps counter thingys to see if I can increase my daily steps. I am also going to bring my spare skates to work and just leave them here and wear them a bit every day (first I got to get the plate fixed). I am going take advantage of my stand up desk and take the stairs more.

Here are some easy things you can do if you have a sit down job and a sedentary lifestyle.

1 – Get a stand up desk if possible and stand often
2 – Do more yard work – and more house work
3 – Park far away and walk
4 – Take stairs instead of elevator
5 – Put on some music and dance
6 – Stretch / yoga / stand on Bosu while watching TV
7 – On breaks at work take a little walk - anywhere
8 – If on bus take the stop before or after yours and walk a little
9 – Walk around while on the phone
10 – At work every 30 minutes just stand up and stretch
11 - wear your skates if they let you!!!!!

This is not to say that CROSS TRAINING IS NOT NEEDED! Or that you can cut down on rink time if you move more. It is to say our bodies were made to be in motion. So BE IN MOTION!


(please note I didn't say "skinny" I said "better shape" and "fit" meaning overall health)

You don't have to read all these links and stuff if you don't want to because I already did that for you but these are the main sites where I gathered most of the info. There are TONS of sites out there on Sedentary Lifestyles. It is an epidemic and can kill you. Or shorten your life. Or give you a spare tire. So get out there and move your body. Move it lots. Move it often. Move to be fit. Move for life. Move for happiness.

***I will write a follow up blog in a month or so to see if MOVING is helping me or if the internet lies.