Thursday, September 13, 2012

The BFG ODDyssey

It's dark. The only sound is the tinnitus that constantly rings in my ears and the gentle hum of the engines on the Mother Ship. Making me painfully aware I am alive, yet alone. My only companion the reflection of myself in the porthole glass.

The journey is on.

As I look out the windows of the craft I am in awe of the beautiful planets dancing in the galaxy. A slow and repetitive dance of life. Spinning, circling, gliding. The same path over and over. The circle of life? The mundane existence of consistency? It is still beautiful - and I watch.

Each planet represents a chapter in my life. Each as story. Some happy, some sad, I think of childhood friends and the dreams we had. Funny how life imitates art. Songs and stories from the past become realities in our present. Each reality unique to our own perception.

As the ship sails past I see my happy yet odd childhood years, the early 20s which for all extensive purposes were a bit bland, the dark decade of debacle and debauchery and then sobriety and the need for all things extreme as if sobriety wasn't extreme enough.

My gaze lingers on each planet a while. Reliving each moment with innocent fondness, enjoying my past and in gentle awe of how these moments are the framework for my present. The lifeblood and essence of the being I am right now in this moment. So many moments. So many reflections.

As the planets slip away I am reminded that I am on a journey. Not a journey down memory lane but a vast voyage, an extraordinary expedition to a new and fulfilling future. The planets are beautiful and I am filled with joy as the inhabitants of them wave to me, they smile, fond memories of the people in my past. As we pass I am not to be saddened by their departures but to embrace the love and/or knowledge gained from knowing them. Not always both were obtained, sometimes love, sometimes knowledge, sometimes both. One questions not the origin of learning if the learning serves a purpose. Wisdom comes from many sources. It is for me to keep my eyes open to receive the wisdom, keep my soul adjusted to comprehend the wisdom and keep my heart open so I am able to appreciate the wisdom, regardless of the source. Sometimes despite the source.

The most recent planets are so vivid and clear yet at the same time so distant and conjure emotions yet to be dealt with. A swirling sea of decisions and actions. How strange to see and feel such a myriad of truth about myself. The wisdom of these most recent planets yet to seep into my heart. To my knowing. How the adventures on these planets will play out in my future is yet a story to be told. I wonder where the ship is heading. Where will these planets guide me to. The decisions of my most recent life changes are jumping around inside my head. Clouding the path in front of me. Or is it a path at all? This uncharted wilderness of space and time I call my future? What have I done? Where am I headed? How can I go on?

There is a small whisper from behind me. I am not alone after all. I never was. My co-pilot smiles in the darkness. I can't see Him, but I know He is there. I feel the smile in my heart. Because I love you with SMILES.

The ship, the Co-Pilot and I drift on, toward the uncharted planets of the galaxy that is my future and though I am not fully aware of where I am headed I am at peace with where I am at.

A final thought to all my friends... No matter where this journey takes me, no matter where I stop, no matter what my face is painted like, always remember, I love you with SMILES.

And enjoy your journey.

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