Holy carp BETTY FRICKIN FORD GALAX - SAAAAAY are you on another diet?

True fact - this one is always GAINING OR LOSING weight. Stability escapes me. In more ways than one HA HA. So frickin YES! I am on yet another diet. WTF you say, just eat right. SHUT UP - SHUT YOUR PIE HOLE AND great, now I want pie.

This time I have gone back to an old standard. WEIGHT WATCHERS and of the types of WEIGHT WATCHERS I am doing the POINTS system, not POINTS PLUS, just POINTS, so I have to use a little calculator thing-a-ma-bob to calculate the weenie teeny tiny amount of crap I get to stuff my face with. Little teeny weenie baby sized portions. IN FACT - babies look at my food and be like "IS THAT ALL YER GONNA EAT? WAAAAAAH!!!" then they cry - cuz babies cry.

I wonder how long this little shabu moo moo diet will last. Skat-ska-dooo don't know. BUT I hope it lasts a long ass time. I need to cut like 40 pounds of fat-fatty-fat-fat from my body. True story - I weigh 183. You are only as sick as your secrets they say so there...No more secret - It's out there. I frickin frack fiddely fact weigh 183 pounds. That's like two 11 year olds. That's like strapping a back pack full of russet potatoes on my back and a 10 pound watermelon on each leg when I go skating. SORRY ASTHMA! I am kinda a bitch to you and let us get big like a house. Like a nice big house for a family of 6 kinda big house. But I want to be more svelt like a condo or a summer cabin. At least I am not a mansion. So there is that. I am only kinda obese not morbidly obese but you would think it MORBID if you thought about it the way I think about it. It is kinda MORBID upstairs these days, not gonna lie... WHY? - again you are only as sick as your secrets. I learned that in a 12 step group AND as a matter of fact. I am also looking at the 12 step group for people who are "compulsive" eaters. I very much fall into that category. DAMN IT. I do. so be it.

And that has helped me actually to face my shit and get real and honest with myself and see the path I need to take to get this 40 pounds of potatoes and watermelons off my body! No one wants that. I am tired of my derby pics looking like Homer Simpson is wearing my shorts. OVER IT. And you can be all like, YOU SHOULD LOVE YERSELF and love your body and curves are sexy and blah blah frickin BLAH!!! the only people who really say that IMHO are skinny people and people who don't care if they are fat. HEY THERE!!! ... I DO LOVE MYSELF, that is why I am trying to lose weight. It is when I don't care about myself that I eat like a horse hog on Tuesday and Tuesday is free taco day at the farm. Ya know. It is because my knees hurt like a biatch after practice and my back hurts like I have been chopping wood all day and my asthma is going to punch me in the face and my sleep apnea is slowly killing me because I have refused to take a look in the mirror and just DO SOMETHING DRASTIC! and I don't mean surgery drastic or starving drastic. I do mean counting points and just eating LESS >>>AND PRAYING ABOUT IT<<< that is for those who say "Where is God in all of this?..." So ya know, God says "DUDE BETTY! That is NOT the body I picked out for you! I wouldn't have gave you all those rad clothes and costumes just for you to get fat yo!" he is giving me all these options and I have to stop waiting for a SIGN or a catastrophe to do something... and yes, sometimes God calls me by my derby name.

Just so ya know... It is not for a lack of working out that I am chub-city. It is because I eat like my husband. It's not his fault.He eats for his size. But I eat for his size too. There are studies done with facts by smarty pants peeps in colleges who get paid to study weird shit and tell us about it that SAY >>> You are the size of the 5 people you are around most... or something like that. Well, unless I do something I am kinda screwed. My eating habits are that of a 6'4" construction dude. In reality I am a 5'3" pretty princess who sits at a desk all dang day and types. TYPEY TYPEY MONKEY PUNCHER. So like my fingers are svelt and my brain is SHARP CITY but the rest of me is saying DUDE KNOCK THAT SHIT OFF AND PUT THE FORK DOWN... YA THE FORK! Put it DOWN... DOWN!!! NO! Don't pick it back up! HEY! I SAID DOWN!!! HEeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyy DOWN!

YOU CAN'T OUT RUN A FORK!!!

So - um Weight Watchers - day frickin 4. I started the first 3 days at 23 points but have cut back to 21 points. I can do that. It's still a lot of frozen trays of plastic goodness I can throw down my throat. YUP - I am only eating PRE PACKED PROCESSED FOOD!! WTF BETTY! WHY! That CANT be healty... GUESS WHAT,,, yer right. It's not ... BUT neither is being 40 pounds over weight. FOURTY!!!! I have read every book, I have done every everything and what is helping is NOT being trusted to create my own portions because THIS ONE CAN CHEAT!!! if there is a loop hole I am in it, if there is a cheat, I take FULL advantage and then I am off to the races with hot dogs and soda pop and elephant ears and all the other food you get at the races.

I got this one app - for my phone - to keep track. it has a count down of the points I can eat. So fooling easy. I am on day 4 and I don't want to kill anyone yet. You should see me day 4 of a cleanse or south beach.. More like SOUTH BITCH... ya - I get HANGRY. SO HANGRY and I can't stand that. I need to eat, just not as much, but see that is hard... so again. To recap.

BFG > Weight Watchers > losing 40 pounds.
My goal is to lose 40 ish by the first game of 2015. That is in Feb something something. That is about 5 months. So that is a pretty HEFTY goal (ha ha PUN intended). I would be happy losing most of it by the first bout and losing all of it by ROLLERCON!!! 2015!!! I do this all the time. I start diets, I get thinner and then I just get lost or side tracked or SQUIRREL! and I stop doing it. And then I - like most people - gain all that crap weight back and then some - like a BONUS from the universal slap in the face - not ONLY will you gain back your weight you will gain back EXTRA!!!

oh then some of you foodie nutritional folks are going to say to me... but if you just made a "life change" and not a diet then you wouldn't gain it back, blah blah - thems just words. They are probably true for some people but they are words and for someone like me... I can't make a "life change" when I want to just punch myself in the face every day for not havin self control. I tried a zillion times. I tried everything. I am out of tries. There is no more TRY there is JUST DO!

Thanks YODA. I hope I can do this. Cuz not wearing my closets full of cool shit SUCKS and skating with potatoes and watermelons SUCK TOO!

I don't think I am being to hard on myself. I used to do the stand up comedy and I deal with hard issues with jokes. It's what i do. I am not masking anything or hiding or anything. I am out there. IN YOUR FACE! still trying. still going. Still being Betty Ford Galaxy.

AND - if you read this far... please comment below. I love to read a comment. And it tickles your fancy feel free to share this blog.

You control your derby destiny...

Roller Derby is like working out. You must push yourself to do more or you will never do more.

If you can do 10 push-ups and all you ever do is 10 push-ups – you will never do 20 push-ups. BUT – if one day you push yourself until you do 12 push-ups and keep at it until 12 is your new normal - then you push yourself to do 14 until 14 is your new normal, etc... eventually you will hit 20.

As you go, the last two are not going to always be your best push-ups, they won’t be pretty but you will be getting stronger. But if you never add more on, you will never do more. You will never get to 20.

Derby skills are like that. You can’t skate backwards until you try and try it 100 times and fall and get up and try again. You won’t leap or leap higher or stop or stop faster or stop the fastest on both sides if you don’t push yourself. Celebrate the small victories as progress and proof that you are getting better. No one has reached their derby potential yet but several have self-limited themselves and seem to be content with where they are at. Don’t be that person. Push yourself. Do more push-ups. Push yourself to be a better skater.

Expect to fall. Except to look silly trying. Expect that by pushing yourself one day, that skill will be memory and you can move to even greater skills.  I always say "If you aren't falling or making mistakes at practice you are not trying hard enough." or "If you can breath at the end of this drill you didn't go fast enough or try hard enough". Practice at 110% so on game day 100% is easy and you can focus on the game at hand and not "oh I hope I can stop to my left". Or what ever it is that gets in your head that is NOT the game.

Coaches can show you what do to and how to do it but YOU have to push yourself to do it and more.

You control your derby destiny.

momma bear says... what do I call my kids? derby cubs?

Today has been EMOTIONAL. So has been this week, this month, this year,,, well, no since 7ish years ago... but a lot right now.... a lot of EMOTIONS happening up in here.

Coaching 20 teenaged girls is EXHAUSTING. Not because they are jerks or mean but because they are precious humans in their teens having real life experiences. Because they are perfect and wonderful and fragile and strong and OPINIONATED all at the same time. Because they bring joy to my life and I want them to have every wonderful opportunity available to them. I want so much for them. I want their youth to be enjoyed and not grow up to fast. I want them to not have to go thru some of the crap jack things I had to go thru. I want them to be happy.

I am so in awe of parents. Your job is so much harder than mine. I only have them a few hours a week.

And yet I take my job super seriously. I am responsible for my actions and behaviors. I am responsible to teach them good things. I am responsible for their safety. I am responsible... LIKE A PARENT.

THAT IS CRAZY! JUST WHAT?!?! If you would have told me 8 years ago that I would start a junior league, one of the first two EVER and help create a board and more teams til we had 7 teams with 100 skaters and to help other leagues/people start other junior leagues and well, I would have said you were crazy yourself. And yet here I am.

This GEEKS ME OUT! I am not a parent. I am 42 and didn't have kids and all the sudden I have so many kids. OKAY - it wasn't sudden but sometimes I think, this is not not my beautiful house, this is not my beautiful wife, HOW DID I GET HERE?!?! (if you get the reference, you are old too.. HA HA)

A few years before I became a coach I was at a little league game and I asked how much they got paid. I was shocked to find out they DIDN'T GET PAID! And I could not fathom why on earth anyone would give up that kind of time to help kids especially those coaches who didn't even have kids. I am super forgetful but God has me remember that as though it just happened. It is so fresh in my mind that in less than a decade I went from someone so selfish and misunderstanding to a person who understands "civic duty" - who loves my sport so much I want to share it with the world and make sure there is a future in it. A person who can care so deeply for someone who is not my kid, or sister or cousin but a kid I coach.

There should be a special word for it. Something that sounds better than a "kid I coach". I have recently just started posting on Facebook calling them "my kids" and then I thought I might geek out some parents or confuse some friends. What would that word be? Derby Kid? Derby Daughter? Brat?




This year I have been put in a position of standing up for them and what I think is right. I am so glad I did.

Truth is - doing the right thing isn't always easy. It may mean giving up something, a dream, something. But doing the right thing... no matter how hard is always the RIGHT thing. It's only been a few weeks and I still wonder if I made the right choice. I second guess myself a lot - wish I didn't but I do. And as hard as giving up one dream because it hurt the kids I love... well. new dreams are coming true and the kids and families are all so super supportive. I don't want to go into detail about what I had to do but trust me. Apparently I have MAMMA BEAR INSTINCTS. Don't mess with my kids.... or any kids for that matter.

Anyways. It is a true joy in my life. I am so blessed to be a coach.
Even on the days they stress me out - totally worth it.
Kids are more precious than gold.

If you ever get the chance to coach a kid - especially junior derby - embrace it. And do the best you can.

It is SOOO worth it.

(For new coaches I suggest this book - Positive Coaching -
http://www.amazon.com/Positive-Coaching-Building-Character-Self-esteem/dp/0982131704
That is until I write my own....)

5 things I learned about me today in my book study

I struggle with weight, eating properly, cross training motivation. Okay and bills and cleaning and and and ...

I am doing a book study with a group at work. We call it a "Mindful Eating" group and we are reading and discussing "Women, Food and God" by Geneen Roth. Today was a day of breakthroughs.

Here are some points of self discover from today.

1 - I kinda already knew this - I am WAAAAAY better at giving advice than taking it, even my own advice.
2 - I don't want to grow up. Maybe I am afraid to. Maybe I think it's dumb. Don't know yet.
3 - I say really mean things to myself that I would not say to other people.

4 - and this is a big one - I am defiant.

4 - DEFIANT: It is a role I either chose or fell into as a child, youth and young adult and as an adult I am finding that this is something that I let define me. Even if it doesn't always benefit me. It is who I have come to define myself as. I am DEFIANT. This may be why I struggle with dying my hair a "normal" color. It may be why I refuse to pick up after myself or why I would rather throw out dirty dishes and buy new ones than to just wash them. It explains a lot. It explains why I am never quite happy just being me. Because if I were just me, what would that be? Would it be acceptable? Do I care?

1 - I would tell myself it's okay to be me. I don't know if I would listen.

2 - I had to make a list of things that EXHAUST me and things that SUSTAIN me. Turns out all my exhaust things were like normal day to day stuff mostly. AND my sustain things were things that were FUN. FUN to me. So basically saying, I am a kid. I don't want to clean my room. I want to ride a carousel and eat cotton candy all day. It's hard for me to find middle ground. OH that could be 5. Let's add it.

5 - I don't have a middle ground.

Things are always EXTREME for me. I am on a mega crazy diet or I eat what evs I feel like. I have straight brown hair or mermaid day glow hair. I clean and throw everything out or I live in a hoard and a mess and I LIKE IT. (I think I like it.... )

3 - oh, yes. #3. I say mean things to myself. I would never call anyone stupid (except if I were joking cuz I am being funny and we have a relationship like that) but for reals, even in anger I would be a bit kind with my words but on a DAILY HOURLY basis I call myself names like "stupid" - "fat" - "dumb" - "can't you remember anything?" - "why did you eat that you blankity blank" - YES I even swear at myself and that is something I DO NOT TOLERATE in others. So why is it okay for me to say to me? Am I defiant even with myself? Am I not letting myself group up with the words I choose?

There are also subtle things like CAN'T. I can't do this, I can't do that, I can't eat that...

I read yesterday a cool thing that said when you are trying to change your lifestyle when it comes to food don't say "I CAN'T EAT THAT" say instead, "I DON'T EAT THAT." and take the power back from the food. It's not that you CAN'T - its a free country, eat what you want. But when you say "I DON'T EAT THAT" it puts you in charge of what you eat. It says - yup - I thought about it and I am not eating that anymore and it's MY CHOICE, not yours or a doctors or some skinny girls... ITS MY CHOICE.

I like that. I like choices. I LIKE MY CHOICES... mostly, even if wrong, if it was my choice..... mostly

sometimes I make BAD choices...

I don't have a lot of answers today. I just wanted to write these things down before I forget them because I forget stuff. No name calling there. But well, kinda.. right? Anyways. I wanted to write it down so that I can think about these things and figure out the root of them so that I can move forward.

I really don't want so many bad lifestyle habits. I want to be healthy, happy, wealthy (at least not in debt right?) and I want to make smart choices about my future and even if I don't "grow up" exactly I do need to prepare for my future.

As for this week I am going to think about what I say to myself. I am going to try my best to be kind and gentle with me and not a jerk. I am going to try to find the reasons I am able to give advice and not take it. I truly with all my being want everyone to be happy and be the best YOU - you can be....

Shouldn't I want that for myself too? And act like it? And REALLY be nice to myself... ya. nice.

*** side note *** some of these things in moderation can be a good thing but when taken to extremes and are hurtful to myself... not so  much, there are times to be young and free and defiant and brash. But maybe there is a time to grow up. Just a little. I don't want to change what makes me ME. I like who I am mostly.

I want to change inside what makes me feel bad about me.

Sometimes, I am my worst bully.

My inner child brain needs to grow up... my past is keeping me from the future I want and deserve

 

 I am doing a weight loss challenge with some friends. It's a 10 week basic % of weight loss challenge. It just started and ends APRIL 1st - No foolin! We have a private FaceBook group where I instructed everyone to post a picture of their bathroom scale showing their current weigh. 

Here is a post I posted to the group this morning... Then I was thinking... Maybe this should be on my blog... 

----

I really am glad I said you had to post our weight. I feel really "honest" about my efforts. I know you all are too. It's been interesting as they all get posted what my brain does.

- i get excited because another person has officially joined the challenge
- i didnt know there were SO many different scales
- i look at the weight... more than me? less than me? can I weigh that?
- it makes me happy to not be in this alone
- makes me want to beat you

It's so many emotions and thoughts. It's funny how my WHOLE life I compare myself to EVERY GIRL. Am I taller/shorter. Is my hair prettier/worse. Am I thinner/bigger. Do i like my clothes better/or hers? Am I smarter than her/is she smarter? Do I make more money/she is loaded? If I see a mini cooper - do I have more bells and whistles/whose car is cleaner (not mine)?

On and on and on! Let's be clear - I don't JUDGE you. I am JUDGING ME. I don't say it out loud - I don't think any of the answers makes someone a bad person or that I would not be their friend. It's all about building me up or tearing me down and I KNOW that it is NOT productive. It's not real. I don't even know how tall you guys are so comparing a number is silly. Like my front adult brain knows this but my back sad little girl brain doesn't.

Even when I have been THIN and FIT - still happens... I have a great car - still happens....

How do I turn this off and just accept who I am as I am?
How do I just see you and not compare you to me?
How will I ever lose weight if I can't just do it for myself and not to "BE" something compared to someone else?

I am working with a book group lead by a counclor around eating, why we eat and the group reads and discusses a book called "Women Food and God".

As you might know I am in a 12 step spiritual recovery program - I am working my 4th step this time with my sponsor around food. And writing about my food resentments.

I am attacking this at all sides. I feel like I KNOW what to eat. I have read 1000 diet books and been on countless diets. I know how to work out. I have two gym memberships, I have INSANITY, P90X, Tony Hortons 10 minute trainer, Jillian Michaels Body Revolution, I think I even have a hip hop abs dvd and lots of random one off DVDs. I have tons of work out equipment in my house and room to work out.

All of the knowledge in the external world is not going to help me until I understand what is inside of me that sabotages my efforts.

The more I sabotage my own I want to help others. Like somehow if I can help you lose weight, be a better skater, find happiness, etc then somehow my own shortcomings or lack of effort won't be so bad. I am a RAD coach. I am smart, like I said. I have read a ton of books on sports, working out, nutrition, etc. I have taken classes. I have studied hard to be the best coach I can be and it shows in those I coach. Why can't I take my own advice? Why do I not do the things I expect of those I coach? Why do I make excuses?

I am no lazy. I am messed up. I need to conquer my inner demons. I need to learn to love myself and help myself the way I love and help others.

I have a different perspective today than I have in the past about why I don't lose weight or if I do, I gain it back. This also goes into my financial situation and my house keeping skills, hoarding, other self sabotaging actions. Over the past year I have really cleared out my house. That has been a great achievement for me. There is still ways to go but I am currently typing this in my craft room which once was a room to full to get into. Progress not perfection. I can see now that it is not my genetics holding me back. It is not that I am lazy or my body can't do it. It is mental. I feel I am taking those steps needed to be the person I really want to be inside and out. I have not overcome them yet by any means but I see them now and am learning to understand what goes on in my head. I couldn't get past them before because I didn't even know there were there. I didn't understand that what was keeping me from my goals, weight loss or other, was myself. Not anything external or out of my control.

With the counseling group, the 12 step work (writing it out 4th step style) and lots of prayer and meditation I think 2013 is going to be a year of breakthroughs.

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now which is a miracle itself, because until recently... I didn't even know I was in a dark tunnel.

SEAHAWKS - football is as roller derby does

Over the years of my derby career a funny thing started to happen...

I started to understand AND LIKE other sports. How peculiar. It was slow at first but now I can relate ANY sport to roller derby. Game play, strategy, training, positions, etc. There is pretty much always a derby equivalent.

I have found that studying and learning other sports is making me a better derby player. I better derby thinker. A SPORTS THINKER. And a better coach.

Let's think about FOOTBALL. Specifically the Seahawks. Because I LOVE them. GO HAWKS!

This last game against the 49ers was like watching Da Vinci  paint the Mona Lisa. It was like watching Dale Chihuly blow glass. It was like watching that fight scene in 300. Or any scene from Fight Club. It was art. It was war. It was spectacular.

I had some of the kids I coach watching the football game. I wanted them to see what I saw. See how other sports and their sport are similar. How they can learn from watching others. What it means to fight until the end. What it means to be a team. They really impressed me with how they embraced the sport and learned from it. Also some of us did squats during commercials. Can't do too many squats.

There were perfect moments in that game. A perfect body screen to let the the guy running with the ball get a few more yards. Just like a derby screen can get your jammer a few more points. There were perfect fake outs and jukes. The Hawks were able to fake and clear. Just like a jammer can fake or juke a blocker to get around her.

The agility and footwork of the Hawks makes me want to run ladders for days. It shows how important foot placement can be. It shows how you must have full command of your whole body.

Did you see how they will stiffen their legs and straighten their toes as they catch to make sure they have both feet in bounds? They have to know where they are in relation to out of bounds. There is no rope - they practice so much they just KNOW. They eye it, anticipate and execute to make a fair catch. As in derby you must know where the out of bounds is, the imaginary line of OUT OF PLAY and know when you can hit and not hit.

Did you see Wilson run with the ball and slide just over the line to make a first down and avoid tackle? He doesn't see that big LINE on the screen like we do when we watch it on TV. He has spotted it before the play, he knew where he needed to get to to make a first down. He went for it - just far enough to get the first down but not risk losing the ball or getting injured. Just as a jammer needs to be aware of where she is at, if she is lead then she must be aware of the points she is getting. She can call it off in the pack and still get all 4 if she has legally passed them all (they may have recycled up but she has their point) saving herself time and energy and risk getting penalties or losing lead jammer (banked).

Did you see how many guys are on the side lines? Slapping helmets, giving pep talks and chest bumps? They win as a team. Each one of them has a role off the field just as important as when they are on the field. Especially those who never make it on the field. Those are the guys who pushed them at practice. Who support them. Give them pep talks and constructive advice. There are plenty more players on a football team than can play on the field on game day. Or those injured. They are also there to support. It is the same in derby. The skaters who don't make roster NEED to be there to support the rest of the team. The skaters on the bench who get less play time need to be there when skaters come off the track. Give them feedback, pump them up, pep talk them to the next jam. That is just as important as being on the track. It also keeps you ready and pumped up for when they do put you in.


I like to fancy myself a little bit Marshawn Lynch...
 

            (Marshawn photo found on Tumbler, can't find photo credit, BFG photo by Jules Doyle)

This is from an article I read about the Seahawks offense.

"Lynch is a hard-nosed, physical runner with outstanding vision, instincts and cutback skills. He excels at reading blockers at the point of attack and has a knack for finding creases in the middle of the defense. Most importantly, Lynch is a bruising finisher who blows through defenders at the end of runs"

http://www.nfl.com/news/story/0ap1000000114524/article/seattle-seahawks-offense-features-more-than-just-russell-wilson

Seriously, it's like he is describing roller derby. READING BLOCKERS is so important in derby. Anticipating someones move is crucial because unless they are stopped by the time you get to them they won't be where they were when you started to go at them. To get the best angle on a hit you must read where they are going.

Okay - I am NO Marshawn Lynch but I FANCY myself as one. I do LOVE to hit and blow thru people. And I know how to read a pack, have good derby instincts. He is inspiring me to really work at my RUNNER part, and agility. I do heart agility.

Now I just need to find out what kind of gum Pete Carroll chews for when I coach. I wish I could shadow him for a day. OR even like an hour. I would bring him coffee. Or gum. He is my coach hero. I heart him more than sparkly things. And we all know how much BFG loves sparkly things.

Pete Carrol pic from pruettsportsblog.wordpress.com
BFG pic by Manburger

I may not know all the players names (yet) or know all the correct football terms but I know the sport of it. I am learning more and more every time I watch. I want to bring what I learn to my game, my home team or any team I play on but especially to the kids I coach. GO HAWKS! GO GO GALAXY GIRLS!!!

And I really want a 12 man shirt. A really cool one. What a great number.

The girl who cried "PARTY!"

HOLIDAY THOUGHTS>>> on food and eating...

I saw something on TV about EATING LIKE KINGS. Americans eat like KINGS. Which in the olden days of kings and queens and knights - weight was a sign of being wealthy because you could eat a lot every day. The human body doesn't need that.

And the poor peasants were skinny cuz they were poor and ate only a little. And they had to work (out) in the fields and stuff and so they burnt off what they ate.

okay... what... ya... Fat Lazy Kings ate lots, did nothing but rule and got FAT. Skinny workers ate less, did work and were skinny. Is there some life lesson in here? Maybe something about gluttony? Maybe something about moving and eating less and not being greedy?

I want to stop eating like a KING everyday. Everyday is NOT my birthday so why do I want CAKE every day? I do want to get where my daily diet is good so on holidays I can eat more because it is a celebration. And if you celebrate EVERY DAY! then when there really is a celebration, when you eat the cake, it's not so special.

It's like I am the girl who cried CELEBRATION... after a while, no one really thinks it's a celebration.
Like the boy who cried WOLF in case you didn't get that. I cried PARTY ---

PARTY - whooooo celebrate! CAKE! BEN AND JERRY'S!!!! CANDY CORN! COTTON CANDY!

one two three PIXIE STIX!!!!

I SAID PIXIE STIX!!!!

and so I can't were boots now.

True story. I just got a pair of KEENs in the mail. They don't fit because I have the calves of KINGS and not the spindly legs of a peasant farm worker. My calves are like tree trunks. I am like a tree girl walking around on my tree legs and by trees I don't mean small trees - I mean big giant RED WOODS or something. Like OLD GROWTH.

Yes, I have OLD GROWTH CALVES from eating like a KING and I can't wear boots.

Oh the world is a funny place. I don't know what I would enjoy more... Eating like a king or wearing boots.

I am going to say I enjoy eating more. And that sucks. Because I really want to wear these boots.

Things are about to change... trust me my friend... This is happening. NO MORE EATING LIKE A KING EVERY DAY!!!! I want small Alder tree legs, not Giant Redwood tree legs....
I WILL WEAR MY KEENS ONE DAY!!!

TRUE FACT: I have been on a ZILLION diets. I have gained and lost 20 pounds countless times. I embark again on another diet and a challenge - which I will write more about in another blog... Let's just say....
I hope to wear my KEENs by APRIL 1st.

NO, not HOPE>>>>> I WILL WEAR THEM BY APRIL1st and that's NO JOKE!